


Fight From the Inside

by CustardBattle



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Alternate universe - Mafia, Blink and you'll miss it allusions to torture, Blowjobs, Cunnilingus, Everyone has a Tragic Backstory™, Explosives, F/M, FBI, Families of Choice, Game Grumps Big Bang, Gun running, Hand Jobs, I promise the story is more cheerful than the tags make it sound, M/M, Minor Character Death, Multi, New York written by someone who knows nothing about New York, Past bank robbery, Prostitution, Recreational Drug Use, lots of crime, mentions of abuse, mentions of drug addiction, mentions of human trafficking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-12-09 21:04:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 40,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11677038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CustardBattle/pseuds/CustardBattle
Summary: Dan, a rising star in the FBI, is sent undercover to infiltrate and arrest the infamous Grump Gang in New York City. In his attempts to get close to the Grump's inner circle Dan befriends a number of career criminals, even striking up a relationship with two of them. Dan finds himself drawn deeper and deeper into the world of the Grumps until a major attack forces him to re-evaluate his priorities.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Mix for my fic: [The Good, The Bad, and The Dirty](http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLm1JRAVW-9uZ9-QpLSoH_PdkZ5KTTdpZs) by [ @gamegrumpshit](http://gamegrumpshit.tumblr.com)
> 
>  
> 
> The artwork displayed in Chapter 7 was made by the amazing [rat-a-tat-matt](https://rat-a-tat-matt.tumblr.com/), Also known as [randomfandomcat](http://randomfandomcat.tumblr.com//)

“Hey Danny-boy,” a tall man in a cheap suit greeted, leaning over the desk of his colleague.

“Hello Sam,” Dan replied tiredly, looking up from the report he was reading, “what do you need?”

“Agent Gunner wants to see you in his office,” Sam replied, “he says that he's got a new assignment for you.”

Dan arched an eyebrow. “A new assignment?” He questioned, “but I’m not finished with this case yet,” he gestured to the file open in front of him.

Sam shrugged, “all I know is that Gunner asked to see you.He said he had a new assignment for you.”

Dan took a deep breath, “alright. Thanks for letting me know, Sam.”

“No problem, man," Sam replied, "I'll see you around." He rapped his knuckles absentmindedly on the wall of Dan's cubicle before pushing off it and walking away.

"Yeah, bye," Dan replied lamely. He sighed as he marked his place in the case file he was reading and moved to put it in his top desk drawer. Sam had been his partner on a massive drug bust a few months earlier and despite all the time they had spent together cooped up in a car doing surveillance, they still weren't friends.

Dan didn't actually have any friends at the moment. He had moved to D.C. from New York after his parents had died in a car accident two years prior. He hadn't spent very much time with his parents since he graduated university because he had joined the FBI very soon afterwards. Once he had joined the Bureau Dan's entire life had revolved around climbing the ranks. His dedication to his job meant that he was being given more and more high profile cases at work but it left almost no time for a social life.

Dan made his way from the bullpen to Agent Gunner's office, which sat at the top of a small staircase in the large, open plan room adjacent to Dan’s. When he reached Agent Gunner's office, Dan knocked at the door, only opening it when he heard a muffled, "come in," from inside.

Dan pushed the door open and stepped into the immaculate office. "Sorry to interrupt, Sir, but Sam said you wanted to see me?"

"Yes, take a seat, Avidan." Agent Gordon Gunner was a portly, balding man in his late fifties. He had been working for the Bureau for almost 40 years and in his heyday he had had one of the highest solve rates in the organization. An ill placed gunshot wound had benched him behind a desk, something he was still bitter about ten years later.

Dan stepped forwards and sat down in one of the two wooden chairs positioned across the desk from his boss. "You have a new assignment for me?"

Agent Gunner nodded, pulling a thick file off the top of a pile of similar files sitting on the edge of his desk. He dropped it in front of Dan. "Indeed I do. I know you're in the middle of the Peterson investigation right now, but we've just had a break in this case and we need someone to go undercover as soon as possible."

Dan opened the file in front of him and his eyebrows shot up, "the Grump Gang?"

"You've heard of them?" Agent Gunner queried.

"Not really," Dan replied, looking up, "I saw that news story last year about the shoot out they had with the Skeleton Gorillas in New York, but I didn't follow it very closely."

Agent Gunner nodded thoughtfully. "The Grump Gang has been on the Bureau's radar for the last few years. They started out as a small operation on the streets of Manhattan, making and selling drugs, illegal gambling, that sort of thing."

Agent Gunner pulled out his own copy of the file from inside his desk and started to flip through it, "about eighteen months ago a DEA bust uncovered a warehouse full of drugs and guns. The Grumps use distinctive ingredients to cook meth, so the DEA were able to link the drugs they found to the gang. We think the guns belonged to them too. Since then more and more minor criminal enterprises around New York have been linked back to the Grumps. We haven't been able to build much of a case against them because they always use intermediaries and all the connections we've found have been circumstantial."

Dan followed along in his copy of the file, eyes skimming the brief summaries of the various crimes that had been linked back to the Grump Gang.

"We've managed to link a minor pimp in Brooklyn, Ramon Fuentes, to the Grumps. We think he's one of the people they've been outsourcing to," Agent Gunner continued. "His operation specializes in discreetly supplying male prostitutes to a wide range of customers, both male and female. You'll be going undercover as 27 year old Daniel Cole from Orange, New Jersey. A former performing arts student whose parents cut him off when he left home to attend the New York Film Academy to pursue his dream of being an actor. You were recently fired from your job as a fry cook at McDonald's because you were caught stealing food. You're on the verge of being evicted from the crappy studio apartment you'll be staying in, so you're desperate for cash. One of our CI's, a man by the name of Micah Weber, will vouch for you so that you can start working for Fuentes. You'll find further details on your cover and identification documents in this package," Agent Gunner handed Dan a thick brown envelope, which he accepted.

"Alright," Dan nodded, "this is a long haul undercover mission. I assume my goal is to work my way up from first time prostitute into the inner circle of the gang and collect enough evidence on the leaders to prosecute?"

"That is correct," Agent Gunner nodded.

"What do we already know about the leadership of the Grumps?" Dan asked.

"Not much," Agent Gunner replied, "we think there are six of them, five captains all reporting to the leader. There's evidence that each of the five captains is in charge of a different sector of the operation. We don't know any names but their aliases are fairly easy to come by on the street if you ask the right people."

Dan flipped to the scant information that was provided on the leaders of the Grump Gang themselves as Agent Gunner continued his explanation. "The captain you're most likely to make contact with first is known as Mortem3r. He appears to oversee all prostitution and human smuggling operations. The Commander is seemingly in charge of arms trafficking, any munitions you encounter are likely his domain. The Ninja is in charge of all gambling and money laundering. We think he's also the Grumps primary enforcer. Razzadoop is the Gang's hacker, none of our technical analysts have been able to get close to him. And Raptor seems to be in charge of narcotics production and distribution. All five of them report to a man known only as Ego. That's all we know about any of them, and there’s no solid proof for any of it."

"Alright, when does the assignment start?" Dan asked.

"You've got two weeks to memorize all the material and get yourself sorted. You'll be moving into an apartment that was confiscated in a drugs bust earlier in the month next Friday," Agent Gunner replied. "The Peterson case will be reassigned to a new agent and you'll be reporting all of your findings directly to me. Any questions?"

"No, Sir," Dan replied, closing the file and gathering the envelope.

"Good, Dismissed." Agent Gunner waved his hand vaguely towards the door and returned his attention to the file he had been reading before Dan interrupted him. Dan double checked that he had collected all the information on his new assignment and walked out of the office and back to his desk.


	2. Chapter 2

Things progressed quickly for Dan after his meeting with Agent Gunner. They had to, after all he’d only been given two weeks to become an entirely different person. Dan had been on a couple of undercover missions before, so the preparations were familiar for him. There was no one he needed to notify of his impending, indefinite absence except for his landlord. He had automatic payments set up to pay his rent and his salary would continue to be paid into his savings account while he was undercover, so really notifying Mrs. Brown was more to prevent her from worrying when she didn’t see him for a while than for any practical reasons. Dan also made sure to review the will that the FBI held on file for him to make sure it was up to date, just in case.

Other than minor administrative considerations, Dan’s preparations consisted mostly of memorizing his new identity and trying to eat all of the food in his apartment that might conceivably go bad while he was away. The Bureau had provided the framework of Daniel Cole’s life, things like where he had gone to school and what his parent’s names were, but it was left up to Dan to figure out who, exactly, Daniel Cole would be. What were his hobbies? His hopes? His dreams? His greatest fears?

Drama had always been one of Dan’s favourite subjects in school, and had been his minor in college, so creating and assuming a character was almost second nature to him. Assuming a cover was a little different, though. You had to genuinely become another person. To be successful you had to shove your real self into a box and place it right at the back of your mind, forget who you really are and become someone entirely new.

At the end of the two weeks Dan showed up at the D.C. field office and exchanged his cheap, but professional suit and a bag of important identification information for ratty, torn jeans and a threadbare band shirt so faded making out what band it had been for was nigh impossible. Two hours later Daniel Cole boarded a plane at Dulles International airport with a shitty backpack that contained only a battered wallet with a driver’s licence and about 20 dollars, disguised FBI credentials, and the key to his studio apartment in Manhattan.

When Dan touched down in New York he made his way from the airport to the New York field office to check in and meet the agent who would be his local contact if anything went wrong. A small woman, only about five foot tall, with close cropped blonde hair and bright blue eyes wearing a sharp grey pantsuit met Dan in the lobby of the field office. Dan towered over her, but the air of confidence and severity she exuded made him feel much, much smaller.

“You must be Agent Avidan,” she greeted, offering Dan a well manicured hand, “Agent Stephanie Hawthorne, I’ll be your case agent here in New York.”

“Nice to meet you,” Dan shook her hand.

“I see the boys in D.C. have already got you kitted out for this assignment,” Agent Hawthorne’s eyes swept disapprovingly over Dan’s ratty outfit.

“Yes, Ma’am,” Dan responded, “Daniel Cole, at your service."

Agent Hawthorne motioned for Dan to follow her and started off towards the elevators at a brisk pace, despite his longer stride Dan had to scramble to keep up. When the elevator arrived Agent Hawthorne stepped in and punched the button for the fourteenth floor, Dan following behind. The elevator ride was silent. Agent Hawthorne plainly thought that whatever needed to be discussed could wait until they were out of the elevator and Dan just wasn’t sure what to say.

Once the elevator doors opened again on the fourteenth floor Agent Hawthorne took off at the same brisk pace she had used in the lobby. Dan followed her down a hallway and across an open plan bullpen, into a small conference room tucked in the far left corner of the room.

“Take a seat,” Agent Hawthorne said once they were inside the small walled room. Dan moved to sit in the closest of several chairs which were dispersed evenly around a large ovular table. Agent Hawthorne closed the door and sat down across the table from Dan. “You’ll meet Mr. Weber in a few minutes but before that there’s a few details we need to go over. As you know, I’ll be your primary point of contact with the Bureau while you’re undercover.” Agent Hawthorne pulled a plastic cell phone out of her pocket and slid it across the table to Dan.” This is a burner phone that you can use to contact the Bureau. We’ll expect you to check in twice a day, once in the morning and once in the evening around nine. We’ve pre-programmed the number of a second burner phone which I’ll have on me at all times into that phone. I’ll ask that you memorize that number as well so that if this thing goes south and you don’t have access to that phone, you can still get in contact with me. I suggest you make up a story about whoever’s on the other end of the phone in case anyone ever asks.”

Dan nodded, taking the phone and turning it on, going to the contacts section, “you’ll be my mother,” he began to add in the name ‘Mom’ to the pre-programmed contact.

Agent Hawthorne raised an eyebrow, “I thought your parents cut you off when you left to go to film school?”

“They did,” Dan nodded, “but Mom felt bad about it. She got in contact with me just after I graduated without telling my dad. She still doesn’t really approve of my chosen career but she loves me too much to cut me off completely, and she worries about me living out here in the big city all by myself so I text her updates periodically through the day.”

“Why can’t she help you out with your financial difficulties?” Agent Hawthorne pressed, “if she loves you so much.”

Dan looked her straight in the eyes and replied, “Dad’s a bit of a controlling asshole, and a mean drunk. He’d notice if she started sending me money out of their shared account and she doesn’t have any accounts of her own. She sends me money when she can but I wouldn’t want her to put herself in danger on my account.”

Agent Hawthorne snorted inelegantly, “I’m impressed, Avidan.”

“This isn’t my first undercover mission, Agent Hawthorne," Dan said, “I knew I would need to come up with a cover for my check-ins.”

“Good,” Agent Hawthorne acknowledged. “Once a month you’ll have an in-person check-in with an agent. Usually this will be a lunch or someone will pose as a client. It won’t necessarily be the same agent every time but you’ll know that the meet up is scheduled and the agent will always identify themselves once you’re both in a location where it is safe for them to do so. All longer communications from the Bureau will be posted to you and made to look like bills. These will include the scheduled time and place of your check-ins. All of that clear?”

“Yes, Ma’am,” Dan replied, pocketing the new phone.

“Excellent,” Agent Hawthorne clapped her hands together “then it’s time for you to meet Mr. Weber. Wait here a moment.” She stood up and walked around the table, opening the door and stepping out of the conference room. Dan sat alone in silence for a few moments, trying to find something interesting to look at on the bland white walls of the conference room.

“Right this way, Mr. Weber,” Agent Hawthorne’s voice floated in through the open door. She reappeared at the door followed by a man who looked to be about Dan’s age towards the conference room. He was of average height with stringy brown hair and extremely pale skin. He looked crusty and a little yellow around the edges and he was twitching, almost involuntarily.

Agent Hawthorne and Mr. Weber stepped into the room and Agent Hawthorne closed the door behind them. Dan stood up to greet the newcomer. “Micah Weber, meet Daniel Cole, Daniel, meet Micah,” Agent Hawthorne introduced them.

Dan offers his hand to Micah, “it’s Dan. Pleasure.”

Micah eyes Dan warily, but shakes his hand anyway, “yeah,” he laughed nervously, eyes darting around the room.

There was an awkward silence which went on so long Dan felt compelled to break it, “so I hear you’re going to vouch for me.”

“Yeah, that’s right.” Micah responded, still fidgeting, “we went to high school together. Then a couple of weeks ago I ran into you again in a supermarket and we got to talking. I found out you’re in serious need of money and I know that you don’t discriminate when it comes to who you sleep with so I thought that you’d be perfect for Ramon’s operation. He’s been looking for new talent. I’m taking you to meet him tomorrow.” Micah smiles softly at the end of his speech, like he’s proud that he remembered all of it.

Dan shot Agent Hawthorne a concerned look, this was the guy who was supposed to vouch for him? He sounded like he was reading from a script. Agent Hawthorne smiled in what Dan thought was supposed to be a reassuring way, but actually just made her look a little desperate. It was the first time since he’d met her that Dan saw a crack in her confidence. “That’s right, Mr. Weber,” Agent Hawthorne said condescendingly, glancing nervously at Dan. "Thank you for agreeing to help us with this. Dan will meet you tomorrow outside the Bay Parkway subway station, and from there you two will meet Mr. Fuentes for lunch at the Lucky Dragon." She spoke slowly and slightly louder than average, the way you spoke to someone who had trouble hearing. Dan was getting less and less enthused about Micah Weber's ability to lie by the second.

"Yeah," Micah nodded, "tomorrow. lunch."

There was another silence that stretched for what felt like eons. Agent Hawthorne broke it by clapping her hands together, “well, Mr. Weber, thank you for coming in today to meet Dan. He’ll see you tomorrow at 11:30 in the morning.” She opened the door to the conference room and waved another agent over, “Agent Brown will see you out.” Micah walked out of the conference room, following Agent Brown towards the elevators.

Dan turned to Agent Hawthorne, “that’s the guy who’s supposed to vouch for me? He sounds like an understudy who never really learned his part. You expect this Fuentes guy to believe him?”

“Admittedly he isn’t the best informant we’ve ever had,” Agent Hawthorne, “but there are surprisingly few people willing to betray the Grumps, so you’ll meet him at the Bay Park Subway stop at 11:30 for lunch and it will be up to you to convince Fuentes you’re worth hiring.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” Dan replied grudgingly.

“Excellent, I’m glad we understand each other, Avidan. You know where your new apartment is located?” Dan nodded, “head there and get set up. Here, these are tickets for the subway. You can see yourself out and I’ll see you in about a month for your first in-person check-in.” Agent Hawthorne handed Dan a thin book of paper single use subway tickets.

“Thanks,” Dan said lamely. Agent Hawthorne nodded curtly and exited the conference room. Dan sat in silence for a moment before gathering up his ratty backpack and walking slowly out of the FBI field office, a sinking feeling about his new undercover assignment building in his stomach as he headed towards his new apartment.


	3. Chapter 3

Daniel Cole's apartment was a grotty 200 square foot studio located in a back alley in a crappy neighbourhood. Dan arrived at the building late in the afternoon. It took him about ten minutes to find the door because it was hidden behind a large, rattling air conditioning unit. When Dan finally located the door he pulled out his keys and went to put them in the lock, but the door swung open the moment he put pressure on it. Dan raised a concerned eyebrow but pushed through the door anyway. He walked down a small, dimly lit hallway until he reached a set of stairs and a rickety elevator. Dan decided pretty much immediately that he wasn't willing to risk stepping into it so he began the long trek up the staircase.

Fifteen flights of stairs later Dan arrived at a peeling door with the grimy brass numbers '154' nailed into it. Dan slotted his key into the lock and twisted it. The door creaked on its hinges as it swung in. Dan stepped into the tiny apartment. He could immediately see it's origins as a meth lab. There was dried residue and rust on nearly every surface in the place, including the walls. The bathroom door was just a curtain and the only real piece of furniture in the place other than the fridge was a double mattress with sheets and a duvet on it sitting in the middle of the floor. A kitchen, which looked like it was more likely to give you food poisoning than anything else, stretched across one wall and the bathroom sat in the corner farthest from the door.

Dan closed the door behind him and dropped his backpack on the floor. He took a cursory walk around the apartment, opening all the cabinets in the kitchen and looking behind the bathroom curtain. Predictably there was no food in the apartment. There were some basic necessities to make the house look lived-in in one of the kitchen cabinets. Cleaning fluid, toilet paper, toothpaste, soap, those kinds of things, but nothing else.

Dan sighed and began to pull stuff out of the cabinet, placing various products around the apartment to make it look lived in. When he finished that he pulled out his FBI credentials, wrapped them in toilet paper and sealed them in a plastic bag. He hid the bag inside the back of the toilet, underneath one of the plumbing mechanisms housed there. He flushed the toilet a couple of times to make sure that the badge wouldn't interfere with its functioning and replaced the lid.

Dan surveyed his apartment, looking shitty but lived in now that some things had been rearranged. He nodded to himself, affirming that everything was perfect, before grabbing his bag and heading back out of the apartment to familiarize himself with his local neighborhood and find some dinner.

\- - - - - - - - - -

The next morning Dan stepped out of the Bay Parkway Subway station at 11:20. He was wearing a different faded t-shirt from the day before, although it was difficult to tell, and the same ratty jeans. He had traded his backpack in for a too-large hoodie, adding too Dan's overall slovenly grad student vibe. Despite being ten minutes early, Dan couldn't stop checking the clock on his phone and scanning the area around him for Micah Weber. The closer it got to 11:30, the more anxious Dan got that Micah wasn't going to show up. 11:30 came and went, without a sign of Micah. By the time Micah finally did show up, at 11:32, Dan was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

"Dan!" Dan's head whipped around to see Micah coming towards him. He looked about as strung out as Dan remembered, but Dan's relief at seeing him was almost overwhelming.

"Micah, hi!" He greeted, raising his hand in a wave. "How was your evening?"

Micah looked at Dan like he had just asked him what his favourite sex toy was out of the blue. "Fine," he replied warily, "come on, we don't want to be late." Micah spun around and set off down the street at a trot, leaving Dan scrambling to catch up. They walked a few blocks, made a right turn, walked a few more blocks, made a left turn, and kept going.

After about ten minutes of walking in awkward silence, Micah stopped abruptly in front of a dimly lit storefront. Peeling gold letters stenciled on the window proclaimed it to be 'The Lucky Dragon' and a menu was displayed next to the door. Micah stepped forward and pushed open the door, Dan following closely behind.

The Lucky Dragon was the most stereotypical chinese restaurant Dan had ever been in. Paper lanterns hung from the ceiling, along with large swaths of red cloth. Cheap artwork hung from the walls and several waving cat figurines were littered around the edges of the room. Wooden tables were crowded into the limited space in the main area of the restaurant, with benches pushed underneath each table. A swinging door was located at the back of the restaurant. The entire place was deserted, except for a large Hispanic man who sat in the back corner of the restaurant.

Micah made his way towards the seated man, Dan trailing behind him. "Mr. Fuentes," Micah came to a stop in front of the man's table but refused to look at him, fidgeting with his hands, "this is my friend who I was telling you about. Daniel Cole."

Mr. Fuentes looked Dan up and down slowly while Dan resisted the urge to fidget. "It's just Dan, actually. Nice to meet you," Dan stuck his hand out.

Mr. Fuentes regarded Dan silently, staring him down until Dan hesitantly lowered his hand and shifted uncomfortably. The silence proved too much for Micah to handle, "you remember I told you about Dan? We went to high school together. Then a couple of weeks ago I ran into him again in a supermarket and we got to talking. I found out he's in serious need of money and I know that he don’t discriminate when it comes to who he sleeps with so I thought that he'd be perfect for your operation. I know you've been looking for new talent."

It was all Dan could do not to wince as Micah repeated almost word for word the cover story he had told Dan in the FBI field office the day before. Mr. Fuentes picked up the glass of water in front of him and took a long slow drink. "I do remember that conversation," he allowed, his voice deep and slightly accented, "I also seem to remember you said exactly the same thing then as you did just now."

Micah began to stutter nervously, still not meeting anyone's eyes, "I... Was it? ... I - I didn't..."

"Micah," Mr. Fuentes cut him off.

"Yes, Sir?" Micah replied, looking terrified.

"Get out."

"Yes Sir," Micah scrambled out of the restaurant as quickly as possible, not even sparing Dan a glance.

Mr. Fuentes stood up and walked around the table to circle Dan, studying him with a critical eye. When he was standing he was a few inches shorter than Dan with broad shoulders and a beer belly. He wore a button up shirt and slacks which looked expensive but not tailored.

"I don't know why Micah would tell you exactly the same thing about me twice, but..." Mr. Fuentes raised a hand to cut off Dan's frantic attempt to excuse Micah's behaviour.

"He probably wrote it down on a piece of paper and memorized it," Mr. Fuentes said dismissively, returning to his seat. "Please take a seat," he gestured to the bench in front of Dan. Dan sat.

"Why would he do that?" Dan asked cautiously.

"Oh, that boy’s brain is so fried from all the drugs he can't remember anything without writing it down and repeating to himself 500 times a day. Always, looks like you'll kill him when you point it out too." Mr. Fuentes laughed, "you two must have been close if he's willing to go through all that trouble for you."

"He was one of my best friends," Dan agreed, "I wish we had stayed in contact after graduation but we were just going in different directions."

"And yet you both wound up in the same place," Mr. Fuentes said.

"Yes," Dan agreed.

"So, why don't you tell me why you want to work for me?" Mr. Fuentes suggested.

"Basically, I'm out of money and options," Dan replied. "None of my recent auditions or job interviews have panned out and my last job didn't pay enough to cover both rent and food, especially in New York. I'm desperate and Micah said that you're relatively trustworthy, so here I am."

"Relatively trustworthy?" Mr. Fuentes asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, for a pimp," Dan said. "Wait no, sorry, that's not what I meant. I just mean that your line of work involves a certain amount of illegal activity and that necessitates some lying and dealing with unsavory individuals and those are things that most people would consider untrustworthy. Not that I do, necessarily, it's just... Are you laughing at me?"

"Yes," Mr. Fuentes confirmed, "you're rambling."

"I just didn't want to offend you, I've never actually met a pimp before. Or done anything more illegal than smoking pot in college," Dan admitted.

Mr. Fuentes snorted, "that much is obvious. Relax, Dan, you're getting a job."

"I am?" Dan asked, "just like that?"

Mr. Fuentes nodded, "just like that. You're attractive enough, decently good under pressure, and you need the money, so I don't see a reason not to at least give you a shot. You'll be on probation for the first few weeks, gotta make sure you don't compromise the operation," he joked. "I'll partner you with one of my senior whores and he'll keep an eye on you, show you the ropes, that kind of thing. Here's a list of services that whores under my employ offer and the prices at which they offer them. Memorize it. The profits are split 70/30 for you when you start out which can be renegotiated as you bring in more money. If you skim off the top I will find out and I will cut your dick off, understood?"

"Yes, Sir," Dan nodded quickly, taking the piece of paper Mr. Fuentes held out to him.

"Good. When can you start?" Mr. Fuentes asked.

"As soon as possible would be ideal," Dan replied, "I'm down to my last ten dollars."

Mr. Fuentes laughed, "tonight then. Commit that list to memory this afternoon and then be back here for eight o'clock. We'll get you sorted then."

"Perfect," Dan replied standing up, "thank you so much for this, Mr. Fuentes, you won't regret it."

"I should hope not," Mr. Fuentes replied dryly, "see you this evening."

"Yes Sir, see you then," Dan said. He headed out of the restaurant to find some real lunch and began to memorize the list.


	4. Chapter 4

At exactly eight o'clock that evening Dan pushed open the door of The Lucky Dragon. He hadn't gone home in the intervening afternoon, so he wore the same ratty t-shirt and jeans that he had worn that morning, which he hoped were attractive enough on him that someone would at least pay him for a blowjob.

Inside the restaurant stood two men Dan didn't recognize. One of them was a chinese guy wearing jean booty shorts which were so tight that they couldn't help but draw your eye towards the bulge in the front, as well as a loose pink tank top, decorated with bright sequins. His wore dark eyeshadow and a deep red lipstick, making both areas look bigger than they would otherwise. The other man shoulder was white with shoulder length black hair and he wore a t-shirt and slacks. The both looked up when Dan pushed the door open.

"You must be Dan," the white man said.

"Yeah, I am," Dan confirmed.

"My name is Owen, I do logistical work for Mr. Fuentes," the man said, stepping forwards to shake Dan's hand. "This is Rickey," he gestured to the other man, "he's going to be showing you the ropes."

"It's nice to meet you both," Dan said, shaking each of their hand's in turn.

"The two of you are going to be working over on Avenue Q for the next few nights. Good flow of customers down there, and not too many prying cops. Perfect for beginners," Owen said. Dan nodded along as Rickey eyed him. "If yous do get into trouble with the law we'll pay for a lawyer, but you don't know us, got it? You name names, there'll be trouble." Dan nodded again, "good. I'll leave you two to get to know each other then, nice meeting you Dan." Owen shook Dan's hand again, clapped Rickey on the back and walked through the door at the back of the restaurant, through which Dan caught a glimpse of what was obviously a shiny chrome plated kitchen.

"Is that what you're wearing?" Rickey asked when they were alone, casting a judgmental eye over Dan's rumpled outfit and puffy, unkempt hair.

"Yes," Dan replied looking down at himself, "why? What's wrong with it?"

Rickey raised his eyes to the ceiling as if to say 'God give me strength' and looked back at Dan, "everything. No real time to fix it now, though. I'll just put some eyeliner on your eyes and that'll have to do.”

Before Dan could protest, Rickey had whipped out a pencil of eyeliner and stepped forwards into Dan’s space. He grabbed Dan’s chin and pulled it down until the two of them were eye to eye. Rickey applied the eyeliner to Dan’s eyes with quick, practiced movements while Dan did his best to pretend that there wasn’t a man stabbing him in the eye with a pencil with only moderate success.

When he finished Rickey stepped back and ran a critical eye over Dan again, “better,” he proclaimed, “still not good, but better.”

“Thanks,” Dan said sarcastically as Rickey put away the eyeliner.

“You’re welcome,” Rickey replied. “Now, do you have condoms?”

“What?” Dan asked.

“Condoms, rubbers, bags, contraceptive latex barriers, whatever you want to call them,” Rickey waved a hand as if to brush off Dan’s stupidity, “do you have some?”

“No?” Dan replied hesitantly, instantly feeling like the worst prostitute ever.

“You sure about that?” Rickey asked, “because you don’t sound sure.”

“No,” Dan said more definitively, “I don’t have any condoms.”

“Well why not?” Rickey snapped, “you knew you were doing this tonight right? Why on earth wouldn’t you have bought condoms?”

Dan ducked his head, embarrassed, “I can’t afford them,” he mumbled.

“I can’t hear you,” Rickey sounded like he was really starting to lose his patience.

“I said 'I can’t afford them,’” Dan said louder this time, “I’m kind of out of money at the moment.”

Rickey sighed heavily, “it’s fine. I’ll spot you for them tonight, we’ll pick some up on the way, just don’t forget again and pay me back for these ones tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Dan agreed readily, “thanks.”

“Whatever,” Rickey said as he set off for the door. When Dan didn’t move, Rickey sighed and turned back around, “follow.”

Dan hurried after him, wondering why everyone in New York was in such a damn rush all the time. The two men maintained a tense silence as they walked towards Avenue Q. They stopped outside a drug store where Rickey tersely ordered Dan to stand outside and wait for him while he went to buy condoms. Dan quietly did as he was bid until Rickey walked out of the store and breezed right past Dan, tossing him a box of condoms as he passed. Dan fumbled the catch and had to retrieve them from the ground, but Rickey kept walking.

“Have I done something to offend you?” Dan asked, jogging to catch up to the smaller man. He pried the cardboard box open and emptied it into his backpack.

“No,” Rickey replied shortly.

“Then why are you acting like I’m the asshole that stole your parking space or something?” Dan asked.

“Because you’re an idiot and you aren’t attractive enough or skilled enough to be successful at this, yet I still have to spend the next three weeks babysitting you instead of earning decent money,” Rickey snapped.

“I’m sorry,” Dan said, “I know it won’t be as much as you earn usually, but can’t you at least earn something on Avenue Q? Owen said there were lots of customers so I’m sure there’ll be enough to go around.”

“That’s not the problem,” Rickey said, “it’s not the number of customers available, it’s the amount of time I have to spend with the customers and the kinds of things I can offer.”

“What do you mean?” Dan asked.

“You memorized the price list right?” Rickey asked.

“Yes,” Dan confirmed.

“Then you know that the prices go up the more time and effort you have to expend with a customer, so handjobs at the the cheap end and a full night at the pricier end, yeah?” Dan nodded, “well babysitting duty means that I can’t leave you alone for too long unless you’re with a customer, which means I’m limited to handjobs, blowjobs, maybe a quick and dirty fuck against the wall if I’m lucky. That’s a serious reduction from my usual fare. It’s just a pain and it’s a waste of my time.”

“So why are you doing it, if you’re so convinced it’s a waste of time?” Dan asked.

Rickey shrugged, “Ramon says jump. We’re here.”

Dan looked around the spot they had stopped on. It was a street corner lit by streetlights from a couple of different angles, but there was nothing particularly unique or exciting about it which would indicate that they should stop there or that would differentiate it to potential customers, other than Rickey’s outfit he supposed.

“Has anyone told you how this part works?” Rickey asked.

“No,” Dan replied, feeling way out of his depth.

“Of course not,” Rickey muttered. “Alright, here’s how this goes, that list you memorized, those are the services you are allowed to offer and the prices you’re allowed to offer them at. Don’t ask for more, don’t accept less, don’t perform any other services. Once you get better at this you’ll be allowed some leeway for customers who pay for the entire night and things like that, but for now stick to the approved stuff. The customer has to ask for what they want by name. I usually get them to ask for a price as well, especially for new customers. Cops can’t ask you to do anything illegal then arrest you for it but they can arrest you if they catch you doing something illegal, so that bit’s important. Protect yourself, and all that. Always use a condom. Some of the milder stuff like handjobs doesn’t require it and blowjobs are a sort of grey area, so that’s up to you, but any sort of penetrative sex is condom required, no exceptions. Got all of that?”

“I think so,” Dan replied, “stick to the script, make sure the customer asks for what they want, use protection.”

“Exactly,” Rickey nodded, “any questions?”

“Just one,” Dan said, “how do you recognize a potential customer as opposed to just someone passing by?”

Rickey snorted, “it takes a bit of practice,” he warned, “but usually they give themselves away by the way they carry themselves. Cars that slow down or idle in one place for a long time are usually a safe bet. Some of the bolder customers will come to you, but mostly they’ll be nervous, looking around for cops and stealing glances at you like you’re some sort of forbidden fruit. You’ll get the hang of it.”

“Ok,” Dan said, “thanks for taking the time to explain all this to me, even though you think I’m not cut out for sex work.”

“Well when you flame out I’m not having Ramon blame me,” Rickey replied. “Now since tonight is your first night we’ll stick around here. Anybody tries to hire you for the night or take you to a motel or something, wave them on. Got it?”

“I think so,” Dan said cautiously.

“Good,” Rickey grinned, “because here comes your first customer.” He indicated a crawling black escalade coming towards them. Dan shot Rickey a nervous glance as it came to a stop at the stop sign but Rickey just smirked and said, “I forgot to mention there’s a car park down the block which is never patrolled.”

Dan squeezed his eyes shut, took a deep breath and then pulled himself up so that he stood confidently, displaying all 6 feet and 2 inches of himself and he sauntered towards the car. The passenger side window rolled down as he approached revealing a middle aged, balding man with a beer gut and slightly too pale skin sitting at the steering wheel. Dan leaned into the passenger window so that his head was fully inside the car and his arms were crossed over the line of the door. “Can I help you with something?” He asked silkily.

The man gulped, “well I heard that I could hire a... well you know, around here.”

“I’m afraid I don’t,” Dan replied, blinking innocently, “I’m going to need you to spell out what you want for me.” The man stammered for a few minutes, clearly nervous, “come on, Sugar, you can tell me, I don’t judge.”

“I want you to suck my dick,” he burst out, then clapped a hand over his mouth like he couldn’t believe he had said that out loud.

Dan raised an eyebrow, “and what’s in it for me?”

“I’ll pay however much you want,” the man said.

“Well perfect,” Dan purred, “a blowjobs gonna run you up eighty bucks, cash up front. And you’ll wear a condom, non-negotiable.”

“Of course, of course,” the man fumbled for his wallet and pulled out four twenty dollar bills, handing them to Dan. Dan looked at them and confirmed that he did indeed have eighty dollars.

Dan withdrew his head from the window, pocketed the money, and pulled the passenger side door open, climbing into the car. “There’s a parking lot just down the road where we won’t be interrupted.”

The man put the car into drive again and they went about a block until they reached a deserted parking lot, nestled between several tall buildings. The man parked in the far corner of the lot, facing the wall of a building and then he turned to Dan, “so how does this work? I mean do I get my dick out? Do you?”

“First time, huh?” Dan said sympathetically. The man nodded, relieved, “well there’s no need to be nervous. You’re the paying customer here, we can do this however you want.”

“I just want you to give me a blowjob, the logistics are stressing me out, honestly,” the man said.

Dan laughed, “well in that case why don’t you just sit back and enjoy. I’ll do all the work, although please feel free to pull my hair when the urge strikes you,” he waggled his eyebrows.

The man huffed out a laugh, “yeah, that sounds good.”

“Good,” Dan smirked and pulled out one of the condoms from his bag, “then let’s get started. Shall we move to the back seat?”

“Yeah, good idea,” the man said, undoing his seatbelt. Dan clambered over the divider between the driver and passenger seats. The man followed suit.

“Lean against that door and get comfy,” Dan said, pointing to the door behind the man. He did as he was told, spreading his legs so that one rested on the seat along the back and the other dangled down into the space in front of the seats.

Dan moved in between his spread legs and slowly undid his pants. He could feel the man’s dick hardening under his hands as he pulled the pants down until they were around the man’s thighs.

The man took a shuddering breath as Dan's hot breath ghosted over the outside of his briefs. Dan sealed his mouth over the man's dick, getting his briefs wet as he mouthed along it. The man moaned in response, bucking his hips up a little.

Dan hooked his fingers over the edge of the man's briefs, pulling them down so that his cock sprung free of the fabric. Dan hooked the elastic of his underwear under the man's balls to keep it out of the way and quickly pulled out a condom. He opened it and rolled it down the man's dick in record time, giving the head of the man's dick kitten licks as he did so.

"Come on," the man said, threading his fingers through Dan's wild mane of curls and tugging, "suck me off already."

Dan rolled his eyes to himself but obliged, sinking his mouth onto the man's dick as far as it would go. He used one of his hands to pump at the part of the shaft that he couldn't reach, swirling his tongue around the rest of the man's dick and bobbing his head up and down.

The man, for his part, made quiet groaning noises, gripping Dan's hair tightly but not moving him anywhere. His hips seemed to be pushing up into Dan's mouth involuntarily. Dan put his free hand on the man's hips to hold him down so that Dan didn't choke from an unexpected thrust.

Dan didn't know how long he worked the man's dick over, it couldn't have been very long because when the man let out a shuddering keen and flooded the condom with his cum, Dan's jaw wasn't even aching. Dan sucked the man through the aftershocks of his orgasm, only pulling off when the noises the man made moved from pleasure to pain.

"Wow," was all the man had to say.

"Glad you enjoyed it," a smirk curled on Dan's lips, "it was a _pleasure_  doing business with you."

Dan moved to get out of the car but the man grabbed his arm, "wait. Can I hire you again? In a few days I mean."

Dan smirked harder, "of course you can, Sugar, I'll be on the same street corner I was on tonight for the foreseeable future. Come by anytime."

"Okay," the man said awkwardly, "thanks. I'll see you next week then."

"It's a date," Dan said. He climbed out of the car and made his way back to the street corner where Rickey was waiting.

"Well?" Rickey asked.

Dan brandished the eighty dollars he had just made, "and he's coming back to see me next week."

Rickey raised an eyebrow, "I'm impressed, Newbie. Maybe you'll be good at this after all."


	5. Chapter 5

The next six months of Dan’s assignment passed in a blur. With the amount of hours Dan put in he quickly began to get the hang of prostitution and his profits began to reflect it.

After that first night, Rickey decided that Dan wasn’t completely a lost cause. Three weeks in to Dan’s assignment he was taken off probation. Rickey took him shopping for a much skimpier wardrobe to celebrate. Rickey and Dan still weren’t friends, per se, but they made a point to check in with one another whenever they saw each other on the street, so it wasn’t a surprise when Rickey walked up to him one Saturday night while he was loitering on a corner.

“Dan! Hey, how are you doing?” Rickey asked.

“Pretty good thanks,” Dan replied, “how are you?”

“I’m fine,” Rickey said, “the date I had last week didn’t pan out though, not into Asians.”

“Fuck man, that’s shitty,” Dan said.

“Yeah people are racist dicks,” Rickey agreed, “but that’s not actually what I came over to talk to you about.”

“What did you come over to talk to me about?” Dan asked, his interest piqued.

“Well I was talking to Owen the other day,” Rickey said, “and he said that you were one of the highest earners working for Ramon, even though you’ve only been around six months. Kudos for that by the way, I really was way off that first day. But anyway, every year Ramon, some of his “logistical advisors,” and a bunch of the senior hookers get together in The Lucky Dragon to talk about issues that might be happening, where the police are starting to move in, where the customer base has dried up, that sort of thing, and come up with some solutions.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Dan said holding up a hand, “are you telling me that Ramon hosts an Annual General Meeting for everyone important in his operation?”

“Something like that,” Rickey agreed, “anyway, back to the point, the hookers who get invited are the ones who’ve been with him the longest and the ones that make him the most money, which now includes you, so Owen asked me to extend an invitation on Ramon’s behalf.”

“Wow,” Dan said, "that... is not what I was expecting you to say.”

“Are you coming or not?” Rickey demanded, looking a little put out.

“Of course I’m coming,” Dan replied, “I’d be crazy not to. You’re going too right?” Rickey nodded. “When is it?”

“Next Sunday,” Rickey replied, “at nine.”

“In the morning?” Dan asked. Rickey nodded and Dan groaned in protest, “seriously, and he’s inviting hookers to this? When are we supposed to sleep?”

“Most of us just do a half night the Saturday before. It’s only one day a year and they really can’t put it any other time if they don’t want it to interfere with our business or The Lucky Dragon’s open hours,” Rickey replied.

“Good point,” Dan acknowledged, “but still.” Rickey just laughed.

Just then a horn rang out on the quiet street. Both men turned to see a black escalade idling on the far side of the street. Dan waved in acknowledgement but put a single finger up in a 'wait a moment’ gesture. Rickey raised an eyebrow and let out a low whistle, “he’s still coming to you? Damn that’s impressive.”

Dan just grinned and clapped Rickey on the shoulder, “what can I say? I’m good at my job.” He leered at Rickey, waggling his eyebrows.

Rickey snorted, “yeah, yeah, don’t keep the customers waiting, Cole. That’s like the first rule of customer service. No wonder McDonalds fired you.”

Dan laughed in response and jogged across the street to the waiting car, “see you next week!” He called out over his shoulder before disappearing inside the car. Rickey just shook his head as he watched the car drive away.

\- - - - - - - - - -

The following Sunday morning Dan was buzzing with excitement. Finally all his hard work was starting to pay off. Dan carefully picked out some of the new clothes he had bought, so that he wore a new t-shirt and jeans without holes instead of his old ratty ones. When he arrived at The Lucky Dragon there were more people inside than he had ever seen near the place. Dan pushed open the door and squeezed through the crowd, looking around for a familiar face. He noticed a few people that he saw on the streets fairly regularly and they exchanged friendly waves or greetings before Dan saw Rickey sitting at a table towards the left side of the restaurant, talking to a woman Dan didn't know.

"Rickey!" he called as soon as he was close enough to the seated man.

Rickey turned around and offered Dan a friendly smile, "Dan, how are you?"

"I'm good thanks, although I've never seen you wearing so many clothes, I feel like something must be wrong," Dan teased.

"Well that's just offensive," Rickey replied with mock hurt in his voice, "just because I'm a whore doesn't mean that I have to dress like one all the time. Besides, maybe if you dressed a little more like me you'd make a little more money, did that ever occur to you?"

"I'm doing fine on my own thanks," Dan replied, sitting down in the empty seat next to Rickey. "Now don't be rude, introduce me to the lady."

The woman sitting across from the two had been watching their exchange with amusement. She was a very pretty woman wearing exceptionally well done makeup. She had glossy black hair with a streak of blond on one side of her head and one of her arms was decorated with a large, intricate tattoo. She wore only a t-shirt but Dan found it strangely difficult to tear his eyes away from her. At Dan's acknowledgement she raised an eyebrow and said coolly, "the lady can introduce herself just fine thank you very much."

"Be that as it may," Dan replied without missing a beat, "I'm afraid I am very much incapable of introducing myself which is why I have to rely on Rickey here to do it for me."

"Well as long as we're clear on whose shortcomings the third party introduction is compensating for," the woman's smile had returned, "then by all means, Rickey, introduce us."

Rickey shook his head but obliged, "Dan, this is Suzy, one of Ramon's logistical advisors. Suzy, this is Dan, he's new this year."

"Oh right, I heard about you," Suzy said reaching over the table to shake Dan's hand, "nice to meet you."

"You heard about me?" Dan asked.

"Sure, you're one of Ramon's highest earners but you've only been in the business for six months," Suzy smiled brightly, "it's impressive."

"Thanks?" Dan replied, trying to sound as though he wasn't entirely sure what to do with the idea that he was being talked about.

Suzy was prevented from replying by a loud yell from the front of the room telling everyone to "Shut the hell up already." Suzy rolled her eyes and shot Dan a grin before turning her attention to the front. Dan and Rickey both followed suit as the room quieted down.

"Thank you very much," Ramon boomed, "as you all know, we have these meetings once a year to ensure that we are proceeding as efficiently and profitably as an operation as possible. I have a couple of items I'd like to discuss and then we'll open the floor to any other business. If anyone has any ideas or solutions feel free to contribute them."

"So first things first, our operation has been expanding rapidly in the last year. Profits are at an all time high and we've got a lot of new blood in. You should all be very proud of yourselves. That being said, there's a lot of room for improvement. The business on the north side of Brooklyn is drying up as the neighborhood gentrifies, so we're going to need to find new locations to keep our current revenue streams open. We are also trying to expand our client base into new markets. Some of our more experienced workers are moving towards a higher end clientele and we're hoping to expand further into that market. Changes on both those fronts should be happening in the next year." Ramon clapped his hands together, "now that we're all on the same page I'd like to open the floor up to any concerns you might have about anything at all.

Several people raised their hands and Ramon began to call on them one by one. One woman was concerned they were under-charging for their services. A man was annoyed that the prostitutes had to pay for their own contraception and STI tests. Another man was concerned that Ramon wasn't concentrating enough of his resources in client rich environments like night clubs. Each time a concern was raised Ramon would make a note of it on a pad of paper and then ask thoughtful follow up questions and a few others in the crowd added in their suggestions.

Finally after about an hour and a half of back and forth all following the same vein, almost everyone had had their concerns addressed. The last question that was asked came from a skinny man standing at the back of the room, who raised his hand and said "lots of the hookers working farther downtown have reported harassment from one of the local gangs, nothing too bad yet but they're getting worried."

"Which gang?" Ramon asked.

"Well some of them seem to just be random thugs but the ones with specific gang affiliations are all Skeleton Gorillas," the man replied.

"Alright," Ramon said, "we'll look into rolling back our involvement downtown to keep everyone safe."

"Hold on," Owen protested, "downtown is one of our most profitable areas and it's in no danger of gentrification. We can't just lose an entire sector of our business because some thugs are being idiots."

"We can't put our prostitutes in danger either," a woman piped in, "the fact that we keep them safe is one of our main recruitment draws."

"Why don't you move the downtown part of the operation indoors?" Dan asked.

Everyone in the room turned to look at Dan like he had just suggested moving the operation to the moon. "What do you mean?" Ramon asked.

"Well, it would take some investment," Dan hedged, "but you could buy a building downtown and turn it into a hotel. It's a lot of money up front but it's a legitimate business and it gives you rooms that hookers could work out of. It prevents street harassment, keeps them a bit safer, and draws in a wealthier clientele. Plus you could have specific rooms where people offer more niche or complex services. BDSM stuff."

"That's... Actually quite a good idea." Ramon said, "I'll take it under advisement." He made a note in his notebook. "Anybody have anything else they'd like to address?" There was silence in the restaurant as people looked around to see if anyone was going to say anything. "No? Alright then, meeting adjourned. Thanks for coming everyone and keep up the good work!"

Ramon dismissed the meeting with a jaunty wave before disappearing into the kitchen. Suzy turned back around to face Dan and Rickey as the room erupted into chatter. "Well that was fun," Rickey remarked.

Dan snorted, "yeah, administrative and logistical meetings are how I wish I could spend all my time."

Suzy laughed, "I'm starving. You guys want to go get brunch?"

"Sure," Rickey said.

"I could eat," Dan agreed.

"Great," Suzy said, "there's a great diner a few blocks from here. Let's go."

The three of them stood up and headed out of The Lucky Dragon. "You won't be sorry about this," Suzy declared when they were outside, "this place does the best pancakes I've ever had. Plus, they're huge."

"Awesome," Dan said, "pancakes are the best."

"Bacon too," Rickey added, "I love bacon, it's the best."

"I don't actually eat bacon," Dan said, "I'm Jewish so..."

"Right the kosher thing," Rickey said, "does that ever get annoying?"

"Only when people keep insisting that bacon is some sort of miracle food," Dan replied.

"Point taken," Rickey replied, holding his hands up in surrender.

They arrived at the diner moments later. It was a cozy one story building with upholstered booths lining one wall and a counter with a window into the kitchen along the other. Dan, Rickey, and Suzy sat at one of the booths and ordered some coffee right away.

"So Suzy," Dan asked once the waitress left them to look over their menus, "how long have you been working for Ramon?"

"Oh I don't really work for Ramon," Suzy replied.

"I thought you were one of his logistical advisors?" Dan questioned.

"Not quite," Suzy said, "I'm more of liaison. I work with a lot of the sex workers in New York to make sure that everything runs smoothly for them. I help them standardize prices, stay safe, not get arrested, that sort of thing."

"That sounds interesting," Dan replied, wheels already turning in his mind, "so you know a lot of the pimps around the city?"

"Most of them, yes," Suzy replied.

"So do you know anything about the local gangs? Like the Grumps or the Skeleton Gorillas?" Dan asked.

"Some," Suzy replied warily, "why?"

"I was just wondering," Dan replied, feigning innocence, "the Skeleton Gorillas seem to be causing a lot of problems for Ramon. I was wondering if you knew anything about why."

"Oh it's probably just a territory dispute," Suzy replied dismissively, "the Skeleton Gorillas don't like anyone muscling in on the business in the areas they control, and they've been trying to get control of downtown for ages. It'll sort itself out."

"I see," Dan replied. He was about to see if he could get any information out of her about the Grumps but the waitress arrive to take their orders and the conversation was derailed.

Once they placed their orders and the waitress left Rickey commented, "that was a really good idea you had about the hotel, Dan."

"Yes it was," Suzy agreed, "why are you selling yourself on the streets instead of climbing your way up a corporate ladder somewhere? With ideas like that you seem like you'd be good at it."

Dan shrugged, "I wanted to be an actor. My dad worked a dead end corporate job and it just seemed to drain the life out of him. I didn't want to be like that, so I went to film school instead. It's not really working out at the moment but..."

"No I get it," Suzy replied, "everyone expected you to be like your dad but it would have made you miserable. A similar thing happened to me. I used to do a bit of modeling but the industry was just so toxic I had to quit for my own sanity. My family never understood that decision, or the turn my career took afterwards."

"Well don't look at me," Rickey said, "I just needed a way to pay my parent's medical bills. They think I'm a teller at a bank, nice and respectable."

"Right because respectable is the first word that comes to mind when I think of you," Dan snarked.

"Excuse you," Rickey replied, "but you aren't exactly the picture of respectability yourself."

"I never claimed to be," Dan responded.

"Boys, boys," Suzy interrupted, "you're both pretty." All three of them burst out laughing.

"So are you going to be sticking around, Suzy?" Rickey asked once they had calmed down.

"For a few weeks at least," Suzy nodded, “Ramon's doing some interesting stuff and I want to see how a few things pan out."

"And then you're leaving the little people behind," Rickey teased, "on to bigger and better things."

"Exactly," Suzy replied. Her phone chimed and she pulled it out of her jeans pocket, reading the message she had just received. "Damn, I've got to go," she said, standing up.

"What's wrong?" Dan asked, "did something happen?"

"Cat related emergency," Suzy replied easily, "I swear I can't leave him alone with them. He's hopeless."

"Who's hopeless?" Dan asked.

"My husband," Suzy replied. Dan deflated a little, "I swear sometimes it's like I have a five year old instead of a partner. One of the cats got into something he shouldn't have and Arin panicked. They're at the vet. Sorry to run out on you guys."

"No, it's no problem," Rickey said, giving Dan a knowing look, "you go make sure your cats are alright. We'll eat your pancakes for you."

"Thanks guys, I'll see you around. It was nice to meet you, Dan."

"Yeah, nice meeting you," Dan said to Suzy's back, staring after her as she disappeared out of the door.

Rickey snorted once they were alone, "man, you've got it bad."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Dan responded as the waitress arrived with their steaming plates of food.

"Sure you don't," Rickey replied sarcastically before digging into his food, "but for the record, I'm pretty sure they're poly."

"Really?" Dan asked.

Rickey laughed, "yeah, although your ugly mug probably doesn't stand a chance."

"Shut up, Rickey," Dan sighed. He stared out of the window, a new plan of action already forming in his mind. 


	6. Chapter 6

True to her word, Suzy spent a lot of the next few weeks hanging around The Lucky Dragon or talking to various prostitutes on the streets. Whenever Dan saw her, he went out of his way to have a conversation with her. They got along really well, so they started hanging out outside of work.

One day Suzy invited Dan to the MoMa to see a new exhibition that she was really excited about. Art wasn't really Dan's cup of tea, but it seemed like a good opportunity to get some more insight into Suzy, so he agreed to go.

They walked into the museum and made their way directly to the special exhibition of an artist called Louise Lawler. "What's so special about this lady's work anyway?" Dan asked.

"She does a lot of feminist artwork," Suzy replied, paying the fee to get into the exhibition, "and a lot of stuff about the history of the world, art in particular. She makes you see things in a way that may never have occurred to you otherwise."

They wandered around the exhibition, taking it all in. A lot of the artist's photos were of everyday objects and which had been transposed onto a weird medium. She had a series of vinyl cut outs of a house which hung against white walls, making several of the rooms in the museum look like life sized coloring books.

At one stage they came across an audio exhibition which was playing what sounded like a parrot speaking the names of famous artists. Suzy paused in front of the exhibit, "what do you think of this one?"

"It's interesting," Dan hedged, "certainly outside the box."

Suzy nodded thoughtfully, "I agree. I like how Lawler has used a parrot to parody the attitudes of the time. It really reveals the systemic issues our society faces with respect to how people of different sexes are treated."

"Yeah," Dan had no idea what that meant, "I agree completely. The way that the parrot is saying the names of famous artists... It's really meaningful..." Dan trailed off as he noticed Suzy trying to hide her smile. "You're fucking with me!" he accused.

Suzy burst into laughter, "I'm so fucking with you. You should have seen your face!"

"Why are you so mean to me?" Dan whined, his hand on his heart, "that hurts, Suzy, it really hurts."

"Sorry," Suzy apologized, not sounding sorry at all, "you just looked so out of your depth. I couldn't resist."

"Cruel," Dan accused, "that's what you are. Cruel. I think I deserve compensation for putting up with your cruelty."

"I want to look around the museum some more," Suzy said, "I just wanted you to stop looking like the teacher was about to call on you when you didn't know the answer."

Dan snorted, "oh, so you were just being considerate of my feelings?"

"Exactly," Suzy confirmed.

"Well I still demand lunch in return for the emotional toll this museum visit has taken."

"Done," Suzy said, "now come on, there's a performance piece that I really want to see."

Dan groaned but followed after Suzy nonetheless, "you owe me so big for this." Suzy just laughed at him.

\- - - - - - - - - -

"I don't know about this," Dan said nervously, staring up at the roller coaster tracks, "are you sure this is safe?"

"Of course," Suzy laughed, "it wouldn't be running if it wasn't."

Dan continued staring at the car as it flew around the track, flinching a little as the car came roaring past them, the screams of the passengers reaching Dans ears.

"You're not afraid, are you?" Suzy teased.

Dan hesitated a moment too long before he scoffed, "of course not, don't be ridiculous."

"Oh my god you are!" Suzy laughed in disbelief.

"I'm not," Dan protested.

"Don't lie about it," Suzy said, "you're scared."

"No!" Dan protested again anyway. Suzy raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms, staring at Dan expectantly. "I've just... never been on one before," Dan mumbled.

"You've never been on a roller coaster before?" Suzy demanded, "how is that possible?"

Dan shrugged, "my Mom thought they were a bad idea when I was little and by the time I was a teenager my Dad decided that they were too childish for me."

"Well that's just tragic," Suzy said, "we have to fix this immediately." She grabbed Dan by the arm and pulled him towards the entrance to the roller coaster.

"Wait, wait, wait," Dan protested, "I'm really not sure about this."

"Don't be such a baby," Suzy replied, "it's perfectly safe and I'll be right next to you the whole time." They came to a stop at the end of the relatively short line to get on the roller coaster. Suzy turned around to tease Dan some more but caught sight of the anxious look on his face.

"Hey," she said gently, "we don't have to go on the roller coaster if you don't want to. I'm not going to force you."

Dan took a deep breath, "no, let's do it. Who knows, maybe it'll be fun."

Suzy laughed, "that's the spirit. I'll even let you hold my hand if you get scared."

Dan pretended to swoon dramatically, "you would do that for me? I could never have imagined such kindness in my woe ridden life."

"Lucky you," Suzy matched Dan's dramatic tone, "my wealthy father is willing to offer a sizable dowry for me, and I am but a lonely spinster. Kindness is the only way I can possibly attract a wealthy husband."

"Well I have no money, but I could make you a very happy wife," Dan wrapped an arm around Suzy's waist and pulled her close, waggling his eyebrows, "if you would allow me the honour."

The line started to move before Suzy could continue the bit. Dan released her, both of them laughing as they climbed into the seats. The ride operator pushed a button that lowered the safety bars and they were off.

The ride began to climb the first hill slowly. Dan started to relax, if the roller coaster was going to slowly speed up he could definitely handle this. The cars reached the top of the hill and the cars paused for a moment. Then, all at once the ride lurched forward and began in earnest.

Dan screamed as they flew over the first drop, grabbing onto whatever he could which turned out to be Suzy. Suzy was also screaming, but hers was more excited than fearful. She laughed as Dan clung to her while they flew through the elements of the roller coaster.

A few minutes later, the ride was over and the cars pulled back into the loading area. Dan kept his death grip on Suzy until the ride operator politely asked them to disembark because they were the only two people left. Dan carefully untangled his limbs from Suzy's and they both climbed out.

"Was that really so bad?" Suzy asked.

"I have the urge to kiss the ground," Dan told her seriously. Suzy collapsed into a fit of giggles. "Don't laugh at me! That was terrifying. My life flashed before my eyes," Dan's petulant tone only served to make Suzy laugh harder.

"Come on," she said once she had calmed down a little, "I'll buy you some cotton candy to make you feel better."

\- - - - - - - - - -

"Wow," Dan said, "that's a beautiful view."

"I know," Suzy said. Today she had brought Dan to the Empire State Building because he had admitted to her that despite having lived in New York for years, he had never been. "I can't believe you've never come here before."

"I never had anyone to go with," Dan said, "and it seemed like an experience that is best when it's shared. I think I was right. You can see the entire city from up here. "

"Yeah," Suzy sighed, leaning against the railing, "it really puts things into perspective, you know?"

"Not really," Dan admitted.

"Everyone is so small," Suzy explained, "there are millions of people living their lives in this city right now, each with their own lives. Millions and millions of people who are experiencing their own problems and personal tragedies, who are getting married or divorced, getting disowned or finding new families. It just makes you feel so small. I find it... comforting."

"I've never thought of it like that," Dan said softly. They stood in silence for a long time, just staring out at the city, each lost in their own thoughts. "Can I ask you a personal question?" Dan said at length. Suzy nodded, "what happened between you and your family? I mean, I know you said they didn't understand your career decisions, but why don't you talk to them?"

"They don't talk to me," Suzy corrected absently. She sighed heavily, "I told you I used to do some modeling, right?"

"Yes," Dan said.

"My parents never really understood that decision, but they supported it. My sister and I were the youngest in the family and anything that made their baby girl happy was alright by them. I had some early success, but it was really stressful, always having to look perfect all the time and be nice to everyone. It was exhausting. My entire family got swept away in the glamor of it all. They were rubbing shoulders with celebrities, what wasn't to like? I was their ticket to stardom. None of them noticed how miserable I was getting."

Suzy smiled sadly, "then one day at an industry party I met Arin. He had snuck in for the free food because he had run away from home and was struggling a little with money. We got to talking and bonded because we were both from Florida and really far away from home. We started dating soon after that, and the more time I spent with Arin the more I realized that modeling was making me miserable. It took someone making me happy for me to realize that being stressed and depressed wasn't normal.

"I realized that I couldn't be both a model and happy, and I wanted to be happy much more than I wanted to be a model. Arin supported my decision because he wants what's best for me. My family, not so much. They had gotten used to the money and prestige that came along with my career and none of them were willing to give that up. Not even for my sake. I very nearly stayed in the industry just so that I wouldn't lose them. Arin managed to talk me out of it. When I quit modeling, my family quit talking to me. I think they thought I would realize what I was giving up and come crawling back, but I never did."

"Do you ever regret it?" Dan asked.

"Not really," Suzy said, "I miss them sometimes, but modeling was killing me. Arin saved my life. He was the only person who was supposed to care about me who actually did and I love him for it. Do you regret leaving home?"

"Sometimes," Dan said, "I regret leaving my mother behind, but she was never going to leave." Suzy nodded and they lapsed back into silence.

"I'm sorry," Dan said finally, "that your family turned out to be so shitty."

Suzy snorted, "same." She shook her head, "that's enough sadness for one day. Come on, let's go check out the gift shop."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Artwork by [rat-a-tat-matt](https://rat-a-tat-matt.tumblr.com/), Also known as [randomfandomcat](http://randomfandomcat.tumblr.com//)

 

Dan genuinely liked Suzy. She was funny and cheerful most of the time, always ready with a witty retort or a smile. They grew closer over the course of a few weeks, spending an increasing amount of free time together talking and laughing. Suzy was an ideal stepping stone contact into the Grumps inner circle. She knew everyone who was anyone in the New York prostitution scene, Dan felt sure that she would know Mortem3r too. This deception was for the greater good, Dan would tell himself whenever Suzy laughed, stubbornly tamping down the twinge of guilt in his chest.

About a month after they had met, Dan and Suzy were taking a walk around central park when Suzy tried to begin a serious conversation. "Dan," Suzy said.

"Suzy," Dan countered.

"Don't be an idiot," Suzy retorted, "I'm trying to talk."

"My apologies, M'Lady," Dan said, using a terrible faux cockney accent, "I am but a humble peasant. I will endeavour to heed your words better in the future if you will allow me to keep my head."

"Shut up," Suzy laughed, "I'm trying to tell you something."

"Sorry Suz," Dan said, sitting down on a bench, "what is it?"

Suzy joined him on the bench, "I'm moving on from Ramon's business after this weekend."

"So you're not going to be around anymore?" Dan asked, a sinking feeling building in his stomach.

"Not around Ramon's, no," Suzy said, "but I'd like to keep hanging out with you. This has been really fun."

"I agree," Dan said, "I'm really enjoying getting to know you. You'll still be in the city right? It won't be difficult for us to get together."

"No, it probably won't be." Suzy agreed, "but here's the thing... I really like you. I haven't wanted to spend this much time with someone I just met since I met my husband. You're nice and funny and you have a surprisingly good head for criminal enterprises."

"Well I really like you too, Suz," Dan said, "you're one of the best friends I've had in a long time."

"That's just it Dan," Suzy said, playing with her hands nervously, "I'd like for us to be more than friends."

"More than friends?" Dan asked, thrown, "what do you mean?"

"I'd like for us to date," Suzy elaborated, "like become boyfriend and girlfriend."

"You want me to be your boyfriend?" Dan asked, feeling particularly slow, "But... you're married."

"I am," Suzy acknowledged, "but Arin and I are polyamorous. We date and sleep with other people."

"Rickey actually mentioned something about that about a month ago," Dan said, "the day we met."

"Of course he did," Suzy rolled her eyes, "Rickey never could mind his own business. So what do you say?"

"About dating you?" Dan asked.

"Yes," Suzy said, "and before you answer, yes Arin knows about you and yes he's okay with me asking you out. We talked about it at length. Which sounds weird, now that I say it out loud. I just mean that I told him how much I like you and how cute you are and..."

Dan watched Suzy ramble, twisting her hands nervously. She really was gorgeous, her makeup impeccable as always even as the wind blew her hair around her face. Dan spared barely a thought for the hurt she would inevitably face when his assignment was over. He really did like her and there was no reason they couldn't keep dating once the assignment was over, right? He'd been honest enough about himself that she really knew him, Dan Avidan wasn't very different from Daniel Cole after all. "Yes," Dan blurted out before he could over-think his answer anymore.

"I mean I'll understand if you..." Suzy stopped abruptly mid ramble, "wait. Did you just say yes?"

"Yes," Dan replied, shrugging helplessly, "I'd really like to date you, too."

Suzy's face split into a wide grin and she leaned forwards to capture Dan's lips in a kiss. It was chaste and hesitant at first, neither Suzy nor Dan entirely sure what the other would permit, but then Dan parted his lips and Suzy deepened the kiss. They kissed on the bench for what seemed like hours, slowly inching closer to one another until they were practically sitting on top of one another.

Eventually the need for air trumped kissing and Suzy and Dan pulled apart, both panting and rosy cheeked. "Wow," Dan said.

Suzy giggled "very eloquent, Dan."

"I'm afraid I can't be eloquent after a beautiful woman kisses me," Dan replied honestly.

Suzy smiled, "well maybe you should learn how, after all a beautiful woman is going to kiss you quite a lot from now on."

"Good point," Dan said, "maybe I need some more practice." He leant in and began to kiss Suzy again.

Suzy returned the kiss eagerly for a few minutes before gently pushing Dan off of her. "As enjoyable as this is, what do you say we get a room?"

"Yeah," Dan agreed immediately making Suzy laugh, "let's do that. Right now."

"Alright, I know a place we can go. Do you think you can keep control of yourself for fifteen minutes?" She teased, running a hand over Dan's trapped erection.

Dan groaned, "I'll do my best," he said, "but I make no promises."

Suzy laughed and pulled Dan up off the bench by his hand. Together they walked out of the park, hand in hand. They headed a little farther downtown until they reached a tall building which looked abandoned. Suzy pulled out a key and unlocked the door, pulling Dan into a large entrance hall. The entire place looked like it was under renovation.

"Where are we?" Dan asked as he followed Suzy through the entrance hall and up some stairs.

"We're in Ramon's new hotel," Suzy replied, "this place was your idea, actually."

"Wait seriously?" Dan asked.

"Yeah," Suzy replied, "it was a good idea. The place is under renovation at the moment but at least one of the bedrooms has been built and furnished. You and I are going to christen it." She shot Dan a lascivious smile as they reached the first floor and she moved to unlock one of the doors. It swung open and Suzy stepped inside, spreading her arms, "ta-da," she said.

Dan stepped inside the room but he barely had time to take in any of the decor before Suzy slammed the door shut behind him and pushed him onto the bed, climbing on top of him. She kissed him again, deftly undoing his belt while he was distracted. Not one to be outdone, Dan began pulling Suzy's shirt off, breaking their kiss just long enough to pull it off.

Dan trailed his hands up Suzy's bare sides. She laughed breathlessly as his fingertips tickled her. Dan sat up a little to help Suzy pull his shirt off. As soon as it was gone, Suzy attached her mouth to Dan's neck, nipping and sucking her way down to his nipple. Dan fumbled to undo the clasp of Suzy's bra under the onslaught of her mouth.

After several minutes of failed attempts Suzy withdrew her mouth from Dan's chest, reaching around to undo her bra herself. "You know for someone who is supposedly a prostitute, you really don't have the whole undressing another person thing down," she teased.

Dan blushed, embarrassed, "my client's aren't usually as pretty as you are. Nor do they ever really try to make me feel good while I'm trying to undress them."

"That's just tragic, you should file a complaint," Suzy pressed a chaste kiss to Dan's lips.

Dan's hands moved up to palm Suzy's breasts, rolling her nipples between his fingers. "With who? I don't really think the customers care."

"You should unionize," Suzy panted as Dan attached his mouth to her left breast and sucked gently. "Organize a city wide prostitution strike. Demand better - ah - better working conditions."

"I'll suggest it at Ramon's next AGM," Dan murmured into Suzy's neck. Suzy chuckled, pushing Dan down so that he was lying flat on his back and moving to the end of the bed, yanking his pants and boxers with her as she went. She quickly shed her own pants and then climbed back onto the bed, both of them now completely naked.

Suzy joined their lips together again, rubbing her pelvis against Dan's rock hard dick as they kissed. Dan moaned into the kiss bucking his hips up towards the stimulation.

Suddenly, Dan wrapped a leg around Suzy's and used it as a lever to flip them over so that he was on top of her. He kissed his way down the length of her body, sucking at any spots that made her moan on his first pass.

Finally, Dan reached Suzy's vulva. He paused for a moment, looking up at her flushed face, "may I?"

"You better," she replied. Dan grinned and licked a long stripe across her entrance. Suzy moaned as Dan went to town, alternating between hardening his tongue to thrust it in and out of her vagina and sucking on her clitoris, flicking it gently with his tongue when she responded positively to his first attempt.

Suzy grabbed onto Dan's hair, fisting it and trying to pull him impossibly closer to her, chasing the sensation. Dan didn't let up until Suzy moaned and stuttered out a quick, "f-fuck, Dan!" The walls of her vagina convulsing, sticky fluid leaking out.

Dan released his mouth, pulling off of Suzy's clitoris but slipping two of his fingers into her vagina, gently massaging. Suzy groaned, pushing Dan away from her, "not so soon. Get up here."

Dan crawled up her body, kissing her, "what do you think? Worth eighty dollars?"

Suzy laughed, "probably. It does really depend on how pretty you look when you cum though." Dan barely had time to look confused before Suzy was licking a stripe up her palm and reaching down to wrap her hand around Dan's dick. It surged up at the stimulation and Suzy laughed a little as she began to move her hand up and down, thumbing over the head carefully. Dan groaned into her mouth, one of his hands palming her breasts, the other wandering across her body, trailing up her legs.

A few minutes after Suzy had started the hand-job she move Dan's wandering hand from where it was stroking her thigh back to her vulva. Dan used his hand and Suzy's natural lube to work her back up towards orgasm.

Both of them worked each other over until their kissing turned from fervent fighting with their tongues to panting into each other's mouths. "Fuck, fuck, I'm - Suzy I'm cumming," Dan groaned his muscles convulsing as he shot semen out across the sheets, vision whiting out for a few moments.

Dan somehow managed to keep up a rhythm with his hand so Suzy followed him off the precipice to orgasm. Moaning loudly, head thrown back, muscles twitching.

They panted into each other's mouths until they both came down from their orgasms. Suzy ran a hand across her sweaty forehead as Dan flopped down onto the bed next to her. "Wow," he said.

Suzy laughed breathlessly, "wow is right." She turned her head towards him, "Dan?"

"Yes Suzy?" Dan asked, turning his face towards her as well.

"I'd really like you to meet a friend of mine."


	8. Chapter 8

Suzy wouldn't tell Dan why she wanted him to meet this friend of hers. In fact the only thing she would say about him at all was that his name was Brian and that it was important to her that they meet as soon as possible.

As soon as possible turned out to be about a week after Dan and Suzy began sleeping together. Suzy set up lunch for the three of them at the diner she and Dan had been to with Rickey the day they met. When Dan asked about the location she just smiled and said, "I never did get those pancakes."

That's how Dan found himself sitting next to his married girlfriend in a crowded diner on a Thursday afternoon. Brian was apparently running late, a meeting had run long, Suzy had said. They had already ordered their food, including an extra burger and coffee for the absent Brian, when Suzy perked up a little and began waving at someone who had just come in.

Dan looked up to see a man who looked to be about Suzy's height with mousy brown hair and a salt and pepper beard coming towards them. His shirt stretched across a muscled chest and he moved with an unnerving grace. Dan was immediately on alert but Suzy just smiled when the man arrived at their table.

"Brian!" She said, standing up to give the man a hug, "we were beginning to think you weren't coming."

"Hi Suzy," he returned the hug perfunctorily before sliding into the booth across from the two of them. "Sorry I was late, you know how those meetings can be. No one ever shuts up." He smiled, as though something he had said were particularly funny, "this must be Dan."

"This is Dan," Suzy confirmed, returning to her seat.

"Nice to meet you," Dan offered, stretching his hand across the table.

Brian shook it and said, "Suzy's told me a lot about you."

"Really?" Dan said, surprised, "Suzy hasn't told me anything about you."

"Naturally," Brian replied.

Just as Dan was about to ask what that was supposed to mean their food arrived. "Perfect timing as always, Brian," Suzy said as his burger was set down in front of him.

"Always show up just in time for the food," Brian said, "that's my motto."

Suzy laughed and began to cut up her pancakes, "yes, it's very annoying at dinner parties."

"So Dan," Brian said, "you want to be an actor?"

"Yes," Dan said, shooting a glance at Suzy, "I went to film school."

"The New York Film Academy right?"

"Yes."

"Who was your favorite teacher?"

"Um, one of my acting teachers was really great. Professor Blanche Baker, she taught us how to do dramatic and emotional scenes. It was one of the best classes I've ever taken. I learned a lot."

"Why film school?"

"I wanted to be an actor and it was the school that I got into that I could afford on my student loans."

"What did your parents think about it?"

"They weren't happy about it, they disowned me. My dad still won't talk to me but my mom reached out a few years later. We still talk, my dad doesn't know."

Brian continued to fire off questions rapidly, staring Dan down as he did so. Dan found himself telling a total stranger everything about his cover identity from who his closest friends were when he was a kid to the story of him losing his virginity. His favourite classes in high school, his favourite classes in elementary school, what street he grew up on, where he used to play hide and seek, his favourite movie, what he was watching at the moment, his favourite kind of food, Brian asked about all of it.

"I feel like I'm being interviewed for the CIA or something," Dan had joked at one point.

Brian had smiled dryly in response and said, "have you ever planned, attempted or been party to an attempt to violently overthrow the government?"

Suzy had laughed, "just answer the questions Dan, we can't tell you why until afterwards but I promise it's worth it."

The questioning went on for long enough that all three of them had finished their food and ordered at least two rounds of coffee before Brian was satisfied. "One last question," Brian finally said, "are you going to hurt Suzy?"

"Brian," Suzy admonished.

"I'm going to do everything within my power to avoid it," Dan said earnestly.

"Good," Brian said, "because if you hurt her I will be forced to hurt you."

Dan didn't doubt that was a threat that Brian was absolutely prepared to make good on. "Understood," he said seriously.

"Well now that we've finished with the sexist threats," Suzy said shooting Brian an icy look, "what do you think?"

Brian took a long sip of his coffee and regarded Dan thoughtfully. "He checks out," Brian said at length.

"Awesome," Suzy grinned.

"So are you going to tell me what that was about now?" Dan asked, a little annoyed at being talked about like he wasn't there.

"Suzy says you have a good head for businesses like ours," Brian replied, "we just had to make sure that you are who you say you are."

"Who else would I be?" Dan demanded, exasperated, "and why does my one suggestion about buying a hotel warrant some guy I don't know going through my entire life?"

"We have a different job for you," Brian said, "Suzy here thinks you're wasting your life as a prostitute."

"I'm not..." Dan began to protest.

Brian held up his hand to silence Dan, "I know, I know. You're not going to be a prostitute forever. It's just until your acting career takes off. Etcetera, etcetera. I've heard it and I gotta say that if your acting career hasn't taken off by now it's probably not going to."

"Brian," Suzy sighed, "what he means is that you've got good ideas and you can think quickly on your feet. Just hear him out, it's a lot more money than you're making now and you get to keep your pants on. If you don't like the idea you can walk away, no harm no foul."

Dan looked at Suzy and let his head fall back in defeat, "fine, I will hear you out. But you don't have to be a dick about it."  
  
"It's a transport and sale job, you'd be assisting," Brian said. "You'd just have to help take the cargo from point A to point B and receive payment for it."

"What's the cargo?" Dan asked warily.

"Guns mostly," Brian replied, "some ammunition. Nothing huge."

"And who would I be helping sell the guns to? And who for?" Dan asked.

"That is none of your concern," Brian said.

"I thought you trusted me," Dan shot back.

"Who said I trust you?" Brian asked, "all I said is that you are who you say you are. Confirmation of identity and trust are two very different things."

"It's no one too bad," Suzy said, "small time arms dealer, he won't sell to any of the larger players. And the sale is for the Grumps."

"Suzy!" Brian snapped.

"What?" Suzy snapped back, "it's not like he's not going to see his face."

"Just because he's your new boy toy doesn't make him trustworthy," Brian replied.

"That is not why I trust him!" Suzy argued back, "don't be an asshole."

"Are you in or not Dan?" Brian said, irritated.

"Yeah, alright," Dan agreed, equally aggravated. "I trust Suzy if nothing else and she thinks it's a good idea, so I'll do it."

"Great," Brian said tersely, "Suzy will give you the details when we have them. I've got to go." He pulled out his wallet, dropped a few bills on the table and walked out of the restaurant.

Suzy stood up too, "wait! Where are you going?" Dan demanded.

Suzy turned back to him, "I'm sorry Dan, I really have to go. He doesn't mean to be an asshole, he's just... protective. I'll call you later ok?"

Suzy didn't wait for an answer before she turned on her heel and hurried out of the restaurant after Brian. Dan huffed, a little put out that Suzy decided to take Brian's side over his. 'Oh well,' he thought, 'at least I'm one step closer to the Grumps.' Dan called for the check and was pleasantly surprised that Brian had left enough money to cover the tab and leave the waitress a generous tip. Maybe Brian wasn't as much of an asshole as he thought.


	9. Chapter 9

Dan got a call from Suzy later that evening when he was lying in bed. "I really am sorry about Brian," she said for the tenth time.

"It's fine," Dan said, "really. What's his deal though?"

"What do you mean?" Suzy asked.

"I mean why is he such an asshole," Dan asked, "and why doesn't he like me?"

"It's not that he doesn't like you," Suzy replied, "it's just that you're new."

"I'm new?" Dan asked.

"Yeah," Suzy sighed. "It's all a bit of a long story and not all of it is mine to tell but the gist of it is that Brian, Arin and I, along with some of our other friends have known each other for what feels like forever. We trust each other. Last year someone we thought we could trust came into our lives and betrayed our trust. It was... Bad. Really bad. Brian just doesn't want it to happen again so..."

"He behaves like an asshole and demands to know every intimate detail of the lives of people he's just met?" Dan guessed.

"Something like that," Suzy agreed. "He'll warm up to you, just give it time."

"I get it," Dan said. "So what's going on with this job?"

"It's happening in a couple of days and it should be fairly straightforward," Suzy replied. "Just meet me at the docks, by that fish and chip place we went to a couple of weeks ago on Monday at midday."

"Alright," Dan said, "see you then."

"Night Dan," Suzy said.

"Goodnight Suz," Dan replied, hanging up the phone.

\- - - - - - - - - -

On Monday morning Dan made his way down to the docks. He was curious to see what exactly was going to happen with this job and who he would meet today. Whoever it was, he hoped they would be nicer than Brian. Suzy had been extraordinarily tight lipped about the entire thing whenever Dan spoke to her over the weekend, refusing to even discuss the subject.

As Dan approached the fish and chip shop he saw Suzy and another woman, thin with bubblegum pink hair cut into a bob, standing next to the railing across the boardwalk from the restaurant. Dan walked up to them, causing the pink haired woman to break off their conversation abruptly when he got within earshot.

Suzy turned around to see why her friend had stopped talking and smiled brightly, "Dan!"

"Hi Suzy," he said.

The pink haired woman dragged her eyes slowly up Dan's body and then smirked at Suzy, quirking an eyebrow, "Dan, huh?"

"Yes Dan," Suzy replied, putting extra emphasis on Dan's name and shooting her friend a meaningful look.

"What about me?" Dan asked.

"Nothing," Suzy said quickly, a blush dusting her cheeks. "Dan this is Holly, Holly, Dan."

"Nice to meet you," Holly reached out and shook Dan's hand.

"Likewise," Dan replied.

"You're going to be helping Holly with the drop today," Suzy said, "I've got to run, but you guys play nice alright?"

"Wait, you're leaving?" Dan asked.

"Yeah, sorry," Suzy screwed her face up in sympathy, "but you guys will be fine." Suzy pushed herself up on her tiptoes and pulled Dan down by the front of his shirt so that she could peck him on the lips. "Play nice, both of you," Suzy shot a warning look at Holly. She walked away with a "let me know how it goes."

"So did anyone fill you in on what we're doing today?" Holly asked once Suzy was gone.

"Not really?" Dan said. "Brian said I'd be assisting with the transport and sale of some guns for the Grumps. Suzy wouldn't say any more than that."

"Figures," Holly rolled her eyes, "come on." Dan followed Holly as she set off down the boardwalk. "So here's how this is going to go down. We're going to one of those warehouses over there, we're going to inspect the cargo to make sure it's what the client ordered. Then we're going to load it onto a truck, transport it from point A to point B, rendezvous with the client, get paid, and go home. Can you use a gun?"

"Yes," Dan said, "I mean, I'm a little out of practice but my Dad used to take me shooting."

"Close enough," Holly shrugged, coming to a stop outside the metal door of a large industrial warehouse in a relatively secluded area of the docks. Holly pulled the door open and stepped into the dark warehouse, Dan close on her heels. She flicked the light on and inside of the warehouse lit up in sections, revealing stacks and stacks of unmarked crates.

"Wow," Dan said, "this is a lot of guns."

"It's not all guns," Holly said, picking her way through the boxes, deeper into the warehouse.

"Oh," Dan said relaxing a little.

"Some of it's drugs," Holly said with a mischievous grin.

"Oh," Dan said again, tensing up and looking around.

"Relax, Dan," Holly laughed, "I'm messing with you. Most of this stuff is perfectly legal imports. Only a fraction of it is illegal and we're not dealing with much of it today."

"Sorry," Dan said, "I'm just a little nervous. I'm new to the whole crime thing."

"Yeah I could tell," Holly snorted, "here we go." She stopped in front of a pile of crates which looked to Dan exactly like all the other crates in the place.

Holly walked around the back of the crates and picked up two small cases, placing them on top of the other crates. She popped the latches on the both cases and opened them, revealing two handguns. "This one is for you," she pulled out one of them out of it's box and handed it to Dan. "That's loaded so be careful, it's a Glock 17 9mm pistol. Easy for you to use if you're not an expert with guns. Not a super effective range weapon but if we get into trouble it'll come in handy." She pulled two extra magazines from the box and handed them to Dan as well. "Stash those somewhere and for God’s sake do not shoot yourself in the foot."

Dan took the gun carefully and released the magazine and checking that there was no bullet in the barrel. He pocketed all three magazines and tucked the gun into his pants. Holly did a similar thing with the other hand gun although she didn't unload it before she tucked it into her handbag.

Holly then grabbed the top on one of the crates and pulled it off revealing several copies of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. Holly was unperturbed by this fact and began to pull books out of the box. Dan knelt down on the floor to help her. They removed two layers of books before they reached a layer of cardboard. They pulled out the cardboard to reveal several large guns.

"Woah!" Dan said, "I thought we were delivering to a small arms dealer."

"We are," Holly replied, looking up from the gun she had pulled out and was examining. "Oh, you thought he dealt in small arms."

"Uh, yeah," Dan said looking at the sheer number and size of the guns in the crate. "What even are these?"

"Hmmm," Holly said, "Mack 10's and M16 assault rifles, mostly."

"Suzy said no one would get too badly hurt if we did this," Dan said.

Holly sighed and placed the gun back into the crate, looking up at Dan, "no one will. At least, no one here. We're selling these guns to a minor arms dealer who is going to smuggle them out of the country and into Syria where he's going to sell them to the rebels for about 400% cheaper than they could get them otherwise. These guns are going to help them take control of their country back and still afford to eat."

"Okay, I guess for an illegal act that's actually pretty moral," Dan said.

"Well morality and the law don't always line up," Holly said. She put the guns back into the crate and replaced the cardboard. Dan helped her put the Harry Potter books back and she replaced the lid on the container.

"That all looks good," Holly stood up and dusted her hands off on her pants. "So we're going to take all the crates in this pile here and load them onto that van," she pointed to a UPS van that sat across the warehouse near a garage door. "We can start moving the crates across the warehouse and then we'll load them onto the truck once they're all closer."

"Sounds like a plan," Dan said, and they proceeded to do just that. Once all the crates had been stacked up next to the van Holly unlocked the back doors and climbed inside. Dan began to hand her crates which she stacked carefully inside the empty space in the van.

When that was done Holly jumped down off the truck and grabbed two brown button up shirts and baseball caps from the back. She handed one set to Dan, "put these on over your clothes. We need to look the part, after all."

When they were both appropriately disguised Holly slammed the back doors of the van shut and walked around to the cab at the front. "Come on, Dan, we don't have all day," Dan walked around the other side of the van and pulled himself up onto the passenger seat.

Holly started the car and opened the large industrial garage door and then they were off, driving through the streets of New York. Holly drove terribly, she turned without signaling, went the wrong way down one way streets, took sharp U-turns without any warning. Dan was white knuckling it in his seat the entire drive.

"You know they put the turn signal there for a reason, right?" Dan said as she made another sharp right turn without any warning, a chorus of horns meeting the move.

"I do," she acknowledged, "but this way it's harder for someone to tail us."

"You think someone's tailing us?" Dan demanded, craning his neck around to look.

"No," Holly said, "but you can never be too careful."

After about 40 minutes of alternatively sitting in traffic and making death-defying driving errors they arrived at a small private airport just outside of the city proper.

Holly and Dan climbed out of the car and a group of men came out to meet them. Holly opened the back doors of the truck and the men began unloading the cargo. Holly took off her UPS cap and shirt so Dan did the same. The two of them walked through the airport and across the tarmac into a hangar. A Middle-Eastern man in an expensive, well tailored suit stood in the center.

"Mr. Bousaid," Holly said walking over to him, "lovely to see you."

"A pleasure as always, Commander," Mr. Bousaid replied. He said something else but Dan couldn't hear it over the ringing of his ears. Holly was the Commander, of course she was. Suddenly Suzy's odd behaviour and Brian's intensive questioning made so much more sense. Suzy must be Mortem3r, in charge of prostitution, and Brian the Ninja who did security and enforcement. No wonder he had been so paranoid.

"an! Dan!" Dan suddenly snapped back into the moment at the sound of Holly calling his name.

"Sorry," he said, "I thought I saw something moving in the corner, I was just making sure it wasn't anything to worry about."

"Nothing to worry about?" Mr. Bousaid asked, skeptically.

"The Skeleton Gorillas have been making larger and more aggressive moves in the last couple of months," Dan said smoothly, "you can't be too careful. I cannot tell you how many times paranoia has saved my life."

"And you are?" Mr. Bousaid asked.

"I'm a private security consultant, I've been working in conjunction with the Ninja to shore up the Grumps defences so that they can continue to grow as an organization unhindered," Dan replied.

"He's very discreet," Holly chipped in.

"Very well," Mr. Bousaid inclined his head slightly. He then turned to do the exact same examination of the contents of the crates that Holly had done back at the warehouse. Dan and Holly stood in silence for a good ten minutes before Mr. Bousaid turned back to them. "Everything seems to be in order," he said.

Mr. Bousaid nodded and one of the men standing along the walls with guns came forwards with a large briefcase. He handed the briefcase to Holly who turned it on it's side and gave it to Dan. Dan held it up while Holly opened the briefcase and pulled out a couple of the bundles of money, leafing through them. She nodded, satisfied, closed the briefcase and turned back around. "A pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Bousaid, stay in touch."

"Likewise," Mr. Bousaid inclined his head again.

Holly pulled the briefcase out of Dan's arms and turned to leave. Dan trailed behind her, scanning the room in front of him as though he were looking for threats. They walked out of the airport together but instead of heading towards the parked UPS van Holly turned to the other end of the parking lot and climbed into the driver's seat of a silver Honda. Dan climbed in on the passenger side.

Holly started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. It was silent in the car for a long moment before Dan voiced the thing that had been rattling around his head since Mr. Bousaid had opened his mouth. "You're the Commander."

"Yes," Holly said simply.

"And Suzy is Mortem3r?"

"Yep."

"Brian's the Ninja?"

"Man you've got it all figured out, haven't you," Holly said.

"It's just common sense, now that I think about it," Dan replied. "So Brian was trying to make sure I wouldn't get Suzy hurt or in trouble? With the intense questioning."

"That was part of it," Holly agreed, "but he was also vetting you."

"Vetting me? For.." Dan stopped. "Today was a test."

"Yes it was," Holly replied, "we had to see how you'd do under pressure and in a situation you were wholly unprepared for."

"Did I pass?" Dan asked

Holly laughed, "Suzy was right about you."

"Right about what?" Dan asked.

Instead of answering Holly just smiled at him and said, "Welcome to the Grumps, Daniel Cole."


	10. Chapter 10

Dan was practically vibrating with excitement and nerves the day after his job with Holly. Suzy had called him about an hour after Holly had dropped him off at home. The phone call mostly consisted of him spluttering whilst trying (and failing) to ask questions about the Grumps and Suzy laughing at him. Eventually they both calmed down enough for Suzy to apologize for the deception and offer to take him to meet all the rest of the Grumps, including Arin.

Dan eagerly agreed, jumping on the chance to find out more about the Grumps, and indeed Suzy's life. They agreed that Dan would be introduced to all the Captains he had yet to meet on Wednesday. "Why have you accepted me so easily?" Dan had asked at the end of the phone call, "not that I'm complaining, but you're letting me into your group of friends really easily. Which is a little weird considering all of those friends are relatively high profile criminals."

Suzy's response had sent a sharp pang of guilt lancing through Dan, "I trust you, Dan. It really is that simple."

"I'll see you on Wednesday," he had managed to choke out.

"I'll pick you up," Suzy promised, "Goodnight, Dan."

"Night, Suz," Dan had replied. He hung up the phone and curled up on his mattress to try and get some sleep.

\- - - - - - - - - -

Wednesday morning dawned clear and bright. Dan was up with the sun trying to figure out what one wears to a meeting of powerful gangsters, one of whom was your girlfriend and another of whom is married to said girlfriend. Eventually Dan decided to go with the least ratty jeans he owned and a solid gray v-neck top. He was still fussing with his hair and triple checking that his badge and gun were well hidden just to have something to do with his nervous energy when Suzy phoned to say that she was downstairs waiting for him.

Dan took a deep breath and pushed away the gnawing feeling in his stomach, as he had been doing ever since the meeting with Mr. Bousaid. He grabbed his backpack and rushed out of the apartment and down the stairs.

True to her word, Suzy was parked in a small silver car just outside of the door to Dan's building. Dan climbed into the passenger seat, somewhat awkwardly, "why do you drive such a small car?" He complained.

"It's not my fault you have freakishly long legs," Suzy replied as she pulled out. "How are you?"

"Alright," Dan replied, rubbing his palms on his jeans, "a little nervous, honestly."

"You don't need to be nervous," Suzy said, "they'll love you. Well, they might be a little hostile at first, but they'll warm up to you."

"Why would they be hostile?" Dan asked, "I thought I passed Brian's background check."

"You did," Suzy confirmed.

"Alright, so do you think they won't like me?"

Suzy sighed, "it's not you, Dan, I promise. You remember that long story I told you about after you first met Brian?"

"Yes," Dan acknowledged, "you said you couldn't tell me all of it. That it wasn't your story to tell."

"It isn't," Suzy replied, her hands gripping the steering wheel noticeably tighter.

"You don't have to tell me," Dan said after a beat, "I'll understand."

"No, you should know." Suzy said, "it's not fair to you if I take you in there not knowing."

"Alright," Dan prompted after Suzy didn't speak for several minutes.

"The Grumps used to have another member," Suzy began, her knuckles white but her voice steady. "The seven of us, we started the gang together. His name was Jon but he was known on the streets as Tron. He was in charge of recruitment for us, anyone who looked promising he would investigate as a possible employee or ally. About a year and a half ago he met a woman named Catherine Mayes. She was beautiful and sharp as a tack, but she was also cold and she had a mean streak a mile wide. Jon fell in love with her, he invited her into the Grumps inner circle really quickly. None of the rest of us liked her much because she was such a bitch but Jon was so far gone that he couldn't see it, and whenever anyone tried to point it out to him he'd just shut them down."

"We decided that out we would just let the relationship run its course. She didn't seem to be hurting him at all, so we let her hang around. We figured eventually he'd realize how horrible she was and break up with her. A month after they started dating, Jon decided we needed a bonding night to get to know Catherine. We all went because he begged us to at least give her a chance. Catherine suggested that we all go for a drink on her boat. None of us thought it was suspicious, we knew she had come from money, so we all went down to the docks that evening and walked right into a trap."

"Catherine, as it turns out, worked for the Skeleton Gorillas. They didn't like how fast our operation had been expanding and were worried that we would infringe on their territory. Catherine was planted in our organization to set up that trap so that they could take out as many of us at once as possible. It almost worked too. If Brian wasn't such a paranoid bastard, we'd all have been caught unaware and unarmed and we would almost certainly have died."

"Fortunately for us, Brian is as paranoid as he is, he's ex-special forces, and he insisted that we all bring guns with us to the meeting. You never know when you might need to shoot someone, he said," Suzy smiled grimly. "Jon died that night. Arin, Barry, Brian, and Holly all got shot. It was brutal. Fortunately for us, getting shot just made them mad. It was a slaughter. Ever since then we've been taking over more and more of the Skeleton Gorilla's enterprises and they've been trying to undermine us passive aggressively."

"Harassing and threatening prostitutes is passive aggressive?" Dan asked.

"It is for gang warfare," Suzy replied. "Anyway, that's why they might be hostile."

"I'm not Catherine," Dan said, "I wouldn't betray you like that."

"I know, Dan," Suzy said, "intellectually, they know that too. Brian has fully vetted you, you have no ties to the Skeleton Gorillas or to law enforcement. You're a nice guy, you don't have any of the warning signs Catherine displayed. That's what the job with Holly was, seeing how you'd react in unfamiliar circumstances and how your morals held up."

"And I passed that?"

"You did. You showed none of Catherine's coldness or unquestioning obedience. You asked questions, and from the way Holly tells it you wouldn't have helped if you didn't like her answers. She started to tell you the truth and you balked but as soon as you thought you were helping people you were on board. Plus, getting you to assist in an illegal deal proves you're not a cop."

"Wait, Holly was lying about the guns going to Syrian rebels?" Dan asked, surprised.

"Of course she was," Suzy sorted, "we have no idea who Bousaid is selling the guns to, and we don't really care."

"Why would she lie?"

"You weren't going to cooperate if she didn't and that was actually quite a lucrative deal." Suzy looked over at Dan's face, "don't be like that. I'm sorry that we lied to you, but they're my family. I like you but I'm not willing to let anyone hurt them again. No one's going to ask you to break your moral code again if you don't want to."

Dan was quiet for a long moment, "I understand. I don't like it, but I understand. Just, promise not to lie to me like that again, okay?"

"Done," Suzy looked relieved. "And just in time too, we're here."

Dan looked out the window to see that they had come to a stop behind a large high-rise building. Suzy climbed out of the car and Dan followed carefully. "You have this whole building?"

"It's abandoned," Suzy replied, "the building was under construction but the company that owned it went bankrupt. It's in legal limbo at the moment so we just sort of moved in. Come on."

Suzy led Dan through a gate, down some stairs and in through a basement door. From there they walked through a labyrinth of corridors until they reached an elevator in the heart of the building. They stepped inside and Suzy punched the button for the fifth floor. "Why the fifth floor? Dan asked.

"It's mostly finished," Suzy shrugged, "plus there's lots of access to the fire escapes if we need a quick exit."

The elevator opened up to an abandoned reception area on the fifth floor. Suzy walked brusquely past it and through a couple of empty rooms. When they reached a closed wooden door she paused, "you sure you're ready for this?" She asked.

"No," Dan admitted, "but let's do it anyway."

Suzy laughed, "alright Dan, welcome to headquarters." She swung the door open and they stepped through it into a large room which looked like it was intended to be used as open-plan office space. Instead of desks lining the room, it was cordoned off into sections, each of which housed a different Captain's equipment. The biggest bank of computers Dan had ever seen sat in one corner and an elaborate chemistry set in another. Several desks were strewn around the middle of the room. Otherwise, the room was barren.

Five people stood and sat in various configurations around the room. Dan immediately recognized Holly and Brian standing together over one of the desks, reading something, but the rest of the people were strangers.

"We're here," Suzy called out. Everyone's eyes snapped up to fix on Dan, even the man who had been facing the computers swiveled around to stare at him. "This is Dan," Suzy breezed on, seemingly oblivious to the tension in the room. Dan raised a hand awkwardly in greeting. "I'll introduce him around individually."

Suzy grabbed Dan by the hand and lead him towards the table where Brian and Holly stood. Everyone returned to their work slowly and Dan couldn't shake the feeling that all eyes remained on him. "You remember Brian and Holly," Suzy said cheerfully coming to a stop in front of their table. Brian quickly flipped the binder they had been reading closed and turned around to give Dan a hostile stare.

Holly smacked him on the arm and smiled at Dan, "hi Dan, nice to see you again." Brian just grunted in greeting.

Suzy rolled her eyes, "way to make the new guy feel welcome, _Brian_." She turned back to Dan and pulled him towards the bank of computers. "Dan, this is Barry, he's in charge of anything that goes on online."

Barry spun his seat around again, "Hi, Dan. We've heard a lot about you."

"Really? I've heard almost nothing about you," Dan joked.

"Unsurprising," Barry acknowledged with a tilt of his head.

"I... don't really know how to respond to that," Dan confessed. "What are you up to?" Barry raised an eyebrow. "You don't have to tell me if it's something illegal," Dan hurriedly explained, "I'm just trying to make conversation."

"Badly," Barry noted, he spun back around in his seat, "I'm trawling the dark web to try and determine what competitive prices for C4 are."

"Oh," Dan said, "that's... interesting."

"Come on," Suzy interjected after a few minutes of awkward silence, "I'll introduce you to Ross. Bye Barry," Barry grunted in farewell, already engrossed in his work again.

Dan followed Suzy across the room to the table where an elaborate chemistry set stood. A short, skinny man stood behind the desk wearing a pair of safety goggles. "Ross, this is Dan," Suzy introduced, "Dan, Ross. Ross is Holly's husband."

Ross stepped out from behind the workbench and shook Dan's hand, "nice to meet you, man," he said cheerfully. "Sorry about the rest of them, they're all a little serious at the moment. You want to test some product?" he gestured to the table.

"Product?" Dan questioned.

"Yeah," Ross nodded, "I've got some meth, cocaine, heroin, spice, crack, whatever floats your boat."

Dan glanced at Suzy to see if Ross was serious, she rolled her eyes at him. "I'm alright at the moment, thanks," Dan said.

"Well if you change your mind," Ross said, "I do a lot of the testing myself, but I'm always looking for new input."

"I've never really done drugs," Dan said, "so I really wouldn't have a point of reference."

Ross shrugged, "your loss." He turned back to the chemistry set.

"It was nice meeting you," Dan said as Suzy grabbed his hand and lead him away from Ross.

"You too," Ross said.

Suzy lead Dan over to the final person in the room. The man was as tall as Dan with broad shoulders and enough of a stomach to make him an imposing figure. His hair was light brown and came down to his shoulders with a blond streak which mirrored Suzy's. He was sporting a mustache and goatee. "Dan, this is my husband Arin," Suzy said, "Arin, this is Dan."

"Nice to meet you," Arin said gruffly, shaking Dan's hand. "Suzy seems to really like you."

Dan felt his face heat up, "I really like her," he said. "She seems to really like you too," Arin laughed.

"Alright, I see it," he said to Suzy.

"I told you," she said smugly.

"So Dan," Arin said leaning against the table, "are you interested in working for us?"

"Maybe," Dan said, "it depends what I'd be doing."

"I've got a meeting with a new contact next week," Arin said, "would you like to come along? As backup."

"Backup?" Dan asked.

"Yeah," Arin said, "I just need someone around who can call Brian if things go south."

"Why isn't Brian just going with you?" Dan asked.

"He's got some other stuff to take care of," Arin said, "and it's probably not going to go wrong. Always, best to plan for the worst case scenario, though."

"Yeah," Dan said. "Sure, I'll come with you."

"Awesome," Arin said, "I'll meet you here at eight Tuesday night, sound good?"

"Yeah," Dan agreed, "I'll see you then."

Just then there was a tinkling of glass from across the room. "Ross!" Arin yelled in exasperation, "nice meeting you Dan," he tossed out as he strode across the room to see what Ross had done.

"So that's everyone," Suzy said cheerfully, "like I said, it may take them a little while but they'll warm up to you. Do you want to go for lunch?"

"Yeah," Dan said, anything beat standing awkwardly in a room full of people he didn't know, "I'm starving."

"Excellent," Suzy clapped her hands together and turned to the rest of the room, "Dan and I are going for lunch. Anyone want to join?"

"Sure," Holly said, straightening up from the desk. "Lunch sounds good."

There was a chorus of polite no's from everyone else and Suzy shrugged, looping her arm through Dan's and chatting with Holly as the headed out. Dan's anxiety about meeting the Grumps eased a little as they left Headquarters. That hadn't been so bad. And he'd have a chance to ingratiate himself to the boss next week. This assignment was turning out to be a breeze.


	11. Chapter 11

Dan didn't spend very much time at headquarters after his initial meeting with the Grumps. He found that they were much easier to get to know one-on-one, without all the distractions and hostility of Headquarters. Thankfully, Holly seemed to have taken a liking to him and with her came Ross. The three of them had taken to checking out restaurants. Ross, as it turned out, was a very picky eater and a real food snob sometimes. Dan and Holly teamed up to tease him mercilessly about both of those facts.

Barry and Brian kept their distance, Brian because he still cast suspicious looks whenever Dan was near any of the Grumps. Barry, by comparison didn't appear to be avoiding Dan on purpose, he just didn't go out of his way to include Dan in his plans. Dan didn't really mind, truth be told, it was nice that he was getting to know all of the Grumps but trying to get to know six people at once was a bit much, even for him.

Dan also didn't see Arin much in the week leading up to the job he had been invited on. Whenever he did see Arin, he looked harried and they only managed to get a few sentences of polite conversation in before Arin had to rush off again. Consequently, Dan was going into the meeting with no concept of how Arin would act or how he was supposed to act in turn.

Suzy texted Dan to say that he should wear something business casual to the meet up, so Dan went out and bought a cheap suit. He wore it on the drive to Headquarters. Arin was waiting for him in the parking lot, leaning against an expensive looking car that wasn't flashy. He wore a dark suit which looked like it cost more than Dan made in a year at the Bureau.

Dan parked his car and got out. "Nice suit," Arin remarked, his lips curling up at the sides.

"Just because not all of us can afford to spend a fortune on one suit," Dan said.

"I never said anything," Arin said as he walked around the car and got into the driver's seat. Dan followed suit on the passenger side.

Arin drove off as soon as Dan was safely in the car. "So who is it we're meeting tonight?" Dan asked.

"Some guy who wants to run guns for us," Arin replied, "maybe some other stuff too. Who knows. We're going to see if he checks out."

"Isn't that Brian's job?" Dan asked, "I mean, he's in charge of your security, right?"

"Usually it is," Arin agreed, "but we're having some boarder disputes at the moment and Brian doesn't have time to deal with both."

Dan nodded. Silence reigned in the car for a few minutes, "sorry, one more question." Arin hummed in acknowledgement. "What exactly should I do at the meeting?"

"Just stand to my left and look pretty. Don't drink too much. Don't say anything. Follow my lead. That's really all you have to do," Arin replied.

"Okay," Dan said, tapping out a nervous rhythm on his thighs, "I can do that."

"Don't be nervous," Arin said, "this isn't a big deal. Do you really think that I'd bring someone completely untrained on something that had a real risk of going bad? What do you take me for?"

"I didn't mean to offend you," Dan started.

"Jesus, you didn't offend me," Arin cut him off, "you've got to stop tiptoeing around me. You're dating my wife for fucks sake. Stop walking on eggshells."

Dan ducked his head, "sorry," he said again. "I guess I'm just not sure what the protocol is when your girlfriend's husband is taking you to meet a smuggler with the intent of hiring him. We didn't exactly cover this in Home Ec."

Arin laughed, "see there you go." Dan grinned shyly back at him.

They reached the club a few moments after. Arin pulled into the parking lot and climbed out of the car. Dan followed suit. "We've got some time before the meeting is supposed to take place," Arin said, "we'll need to map out the club, check escape routes, that sort of thing."

"You didn't do that beforehand?" Dan asked.

"Not in the last few weeks," Arin said. "We have a group of clubs which we rotate through randomly for new meetings. We haven't used this one in a while. I need to see what's changed and what hasn't. Plus I want to see what you can pick out."

"So this is another test?"

"Of sorts," Arin said, "it's more for me. I want to see if you live up to Suzy's hype." He shot Dan a wicked grin. Dan didn't know why but he found himself grinning back. Arin really could be charming once you got over the initial fight or flight response he invoked. "So, what's first?" he asked.

"You want me to lead the inspection?" Dan asked, surprised.

"I won't let you screw this up," Arin said, "think it as part of the test."

"Alright," Dan nodded, "first we walk around the outside, and identify any escape routes."

Arin's lips curled up in a smile, "lead the way."

Dan and Arin walked around the perimeter of the building, Dan carefully paying attention to the number of doors, alley ways, and windows visible from the street. They completed a loop of the building and Arin turned to Dan, raising an eyebrow expectantly. "There are three doors, the main entrance and two emergency exits, one on either side of the building. The entire top floor is covered in windows and doesn't look too high up so in a pinch you could probably jump out of them with relative safety. there aren't any extra alleys around the club so boxing someone in from the back would be pretty easy, but as long as you stay away from the street directly behind the club an escape should be pretty easy. There are security cameras at every point of entry and at several of the businesses across the street. Prevents anyone from doing anything illegal outside the building."

"Very good," Arin said, "let's go inside and get settled."

Arin walked over to the bouncer and nodded in greeting. The bouncer nodded back and moved the rope back, allowing both Arin and Dan into the club. "What's your drink?" Arin asked.

"Whatever dark beer they've got on tap should be good for me," Dan replied.

Arin nodded, "go grab us seats at that table in the corner there," Arin pointed to a booth which was nestled right in the corner of the club. It was vacant despite how crowded the club was, presumably because of how close it was to the bathrooms. Dan nodded and made his way over to the table, sitting so that his back was to the wall.

Dan could understand why Arin had chosen this spot. From the vantage point it offered the booths occupants could see the entire club, plus it was close to one of the emergency exits. Dan located Arin in the crowd chatting up a bartender. He then scanned the crowd to see if he could identify the people they were supposed to be meeting, maybe if the two of them had shown up early for security, they would have thought of it too.

Arin carried a pint glass and a tumbler full of a clear liquid over to Dan. He set them down on the table, scanning the room as he sat down next to Dan. "When is this meeting supposed to happen?" Dan asked.

Arin checked his watch, "we've got a good twenty minutes yet. Maybe we could use this time to get to know each other better."

"Oh I'm sure you know me much better than I know you," Dan said, "Suzy hardly ever says anything about you."

"Really?" Arin said, sounding surprised.

"She talks about you a lot," Dan clarified, "it's just she never says anything. I know, for example, that you love fifties style diners, but not things like how many siblings you have or why you entered into this line of work. I'm sure Suzy's told you all that stuff about me already."

"She has," Arin acknowledged, "it's pretty bad form not to at least ask you about it, though."

"Fair enough," Dan said, "so... what should you know about me?" Dan stroked his chin, pretending to think. "Well... My name is Daniel Cole, I hail from Orange, New Jersey. Yes it was as bad as it sounds. I'm a 27 year old pansexual former acting student. I don't have any siblings. My father doesn't talk to me and my mother only texts me in secret, I haven't actually seen any of them since I left home for university. My Dad used to slap me around a little when he was drunk, I tend not to drink too much because of it. I'm a prostitute and I have a girlfriend. But you knew all of that already."

Arin snorted, "I did. Sorry about your parents."

"Not your fault," Dan shrugged, "something tells me I should apologize for your parents as well."

"Not really," Arin replied, "they're dead. Dear old Dad was in the Army before I was born, never got over the PTSD. Shot both himself and my mother while I was at school one day. Haven't spoken to or heard from my older brother since the funeral. Went into the system, ran away after a few months, met Suzy and the rest is history."

"Jesus," Dan said, "I'm sorry."

"You said that before I even told the story," Arin said, his lips turning up in a grim smile.

"Yeah," Dan said, "but it bears repeating."

Arin shook his head, "it was a long time ago. Besides, shitty childhoods are the best recruiting tool for people in our line of work I've ever found. You're not a prostitute by the way."

"What?" Dan asked, taken aback by the abrupt change in subject.

"You're not a prostitute anymore," Arin said, a little louder, "you're a Grump now, and we take care of our own. You can still sell sex for money if you want, we don't judge, but you don't have to."

"Thanks," Dan said, "I didn't think I was in yet. I thought that's what all the tests were about."

Arin waved a hand, "you were in the moment Suzy brought you to Headquarters. You think we let all the new recruits see our base of operations?"

"Well, no," Dan admitted, "I figured the whole dating Suzy thing gave me a bit of leeway, but still."

Arin opened his mouth to reply, but something caught his eye and his entire demeanor changed. In a second he went from being charming and friendly to someone Dan wouldn't willingly approach in pubic, oily and distant. A man approached their table, he was ordinary enough, or as ordinary as one can be wearing a tan suit in a night club, but there was something off about him. Dan couldn't put his finger on it but the man sent chills up his spine.

Dan tried to convey this to Arin with his eyes but Arin either didn't understand or chose to ignore the message because he stood to greet the man, "Tony Jeffers, I presume?"

"That's me," the man confirmed, "and you are?"

"Representatives of Mr. Ego," Arin replied smoothly. "My name is Parker Raines and this is my associate, Morris Thompson."

Dan rose and shook the Tony's hand, "pleasure."

"Would you like a drink?" Arin asked.

"Scotch on the rocks would be great," Tony said.

"Of course," Arin said, "Morris, go fetch our guest his scotch. And I could use a refill," Arin held his glass out to Dan.

Dan took the glass without a word and headed over to the bar. Arin and Tony sat down at the table behind him. Dan had to fight his way through the crowd to the bar, and once he was there flagging down a bartender took ages. Dan attributed the delay to his lack of breasts.

Eventually he managed to purchase both drinks and make his way back to the table without spilling either of them. When he arrived Dan set both drinks down and slid into the booth next to Arin. Tony barely acknowledged his return but Arin said, "Morris, you're back just in time! Mr. Jeffers was about to propose a new revenue stream for Mr. Ego to consider." The way he said 'new revenue stream' made Dan feel like Arin knew the direction the conversation was going to take and didn't like it.

"It's fairly obvious," Tony said, "I'm sure Mr. Ego has considered it before but I'm sure it was infeasible. Simply put, the human slave trade is booming. It's larger than it has ever been before. There's a huge market out there which it would be in the Grumps interests to get in on the ground floor of. I could provide the, shall we say cargo? and the means of distribution for a fraction of what anyone else in the market will offer you. This is a once in a lifetime offer and you'd make a killing."

Dan wanted to throw up, this man was talking about buying and selling people like they were pencils or something. Arin, on the other hand, looked as though they actually were talking about pencils, "that certainly is an interesting proposal. I'll take it to Mr. Ego, but I'm sure he'll be very interested. Can I set up a time for you to show him your operation? I'm certain he'll want to make sure you can securely transport the cargo and get it past customs without detection."

"Of course," Tony looked like he had just won the lottery. Dan could practically see the dollar signs in his eyes, "would tonight work? I've just gotten a fresh shipment in."

"For an opportunity like this," Arin smiled conspiratorially, "I'm sure he'll make it work."

"Shall we say two am in New York Harbor?" Tony asked.

"Sounds perfect," Arin said. He pushed a napkin towards Tony, "give me your number in case we need to reschedule for any reason."

Tony scribbled his number down on the napkin and handed it back to Arin. Arin pushed it into his pocket and stood up, "we'd better get this proposal to Mr. Ego as soon as possible."

"Of course," Tony scrambled out of their way, "I hope to be working with you all very soon."

Dan trailed after Arin as the walked out of the club. Arin didn't say anything until they were safely inside the car and driving away from the club. "Do you have a phone?"

"What?" Dan asked.

"Do you have a phone?" Arin repeated.

"How can you be thinking about my phone right now?" Dan finally exploded, the disgust he felt over having any part in a human trafficking ring overriding his sense of self-preservation. "You just all but agreed to sell people as slaves. I know that might be nothing in your world but in mine that's... I can't even think about it without wanting to be sick. I won't be a part of it. It's..."

"One of the worst things a person can do?" Arin cut him off, "I agree. I was asking if you have a phone so that we can call the police."

"You want to call the police?" Dan asked, shocked by the turn the conversation had taken.

"Yes," Arin confirmed. "I can't do it because I'm driving so the job falls to you."

"I'm lost," Dan admitted.

Arin sighed, "human trafficking is despicable. People who do it are disgusting, vile human beings. The worst of the worst. The Grumps decided when we formed that we didn't want any part of it. Whenever anyone approaches us with the idea we turn them into the police. I thought everyone had gotten the memo but apparently not."

"But... I heard once that the Grumps were involved in human smuggling?"

"Only very occasionally," Arin said, "and that is not the same thing as human trafficking. Human smuggling is more like helping people illegally immigrate. It can turn into indentured servitude but not the way we do it."

"So, what should I tell the police?"

"Just phone in an anonymous tip about the meet-up I just arranged."

Dan pulled out his phone and dialed 911. "911, what's your emergency?"

"I'd like to report a crime. There's going to be a shipment of trafficking victims arriving in New York Harbor at two am tonight. Some of the traffickers will be there." Dan hung up before the 911 operator had time to ask any more questions.

"Are we going to watch the arrests happen?" Dan asked, "just to be sure?"

"No," Arin said, "we've got a couple of dock workers on our payroll down there. They'll let us know when it happens. Plus it'll probably be all over the morning papers. Do you want to go get some fries or something? There's a Denny's just up ahead."

"No thanks, I'm good," Dan said. "I haven't been to a Denny's sober in... well ever. I don't think I've ever been to a Denny's sober. They have the best food for when you're stoned though."

Arin laughed at that, the white knuckled grip he'd maintained on the steering wheel since they left the club loosening. "I'll be sure to let Ross know. He's always looking for new places to eat when stoned."

"It's open 24 hours too," Dan added, "for when you're high at three in the morning and literally nothing else is open but you're starving."

"Been stoned a lot have you?"

"Mostly in college, it's the reason I failed half the classes I did," Dan said. "I don't smoke up much anymore."

"Why not?" Arin asked.

"Partly because it's too expensive, but mostly because I was so high all the time that I almost flunked out of acting school."

"You almost flunked out of acting school?" Arin laughed, "that's got to be difficult to do."

"Practically impossible," Dan agreed, "and yet I managed it." Arin laughed at him. "I suppose you never almost flunked out of college then?" Dan asked.

"Never went," Arin said, "I actually never graduated high school. I ran away my junior year and after that there was just never any point."

"You've done pretty well for yourself," Dan said.

"Despite what they taught us in school, crime really does pay," Arin agreed. They pulled into the parking lot outside of Headquarters. "I have to say, if you take out the meeting with the smug human trafficker, this was actually a pretty fun night. You were right about him from the beginning by the way."

"You picked up on that?"

"The weird intense stare you were doing to try and telepathically force your thoughts into my head? Yeah I picked up on that. It wasn't subtle."

"Well I am always hoping that my latent telepathic powers will suddenly manifest," Dan said. Arin laughed. "I had fun too. We should do something like this again, without the smuggler. And... Thank you for trusting me with that story about your family. I know you don't know me very much, and Suzy told me about Catherine so I know it must be hard for you to trust someone like that again. So just, thank you."

"Can I kiss you?" Arin asked.

"Yes," Dan replied surprising himself with how much he wanted that kiss.

Arin leaned across the car slowly, giving Dan lots of time to back away. Instead, Dan leaned forwards. Their lips met over the divider of the car. Kissing Arin was surprisingly similar to kissing Suzy. The had similar techniques and the ways that they battled for dominance were practically identical. Arin's face was firmer than Suzy's and his facial hair tickled Dan's face.

They deepened the kiss, tongues exploring each other's mouths. Arin's finger's laced through Dan's curls, using them to pull him impossibly closer. Dan retaliated by climbing over the divider in the car, perching himself in Arin's lap and pushing their faces impossibly closer.

They made out for what seemed like hours, tongues moving in a battle for dominance, neither quite able to get the upper hand. The broke apart when the need for air became too great, both panting heavily.

"We really need to talk to Suzy about this," Arin breathed.

"Yeah," Dan agreed before diving back in for another kiss.


	12. Chapter 12

It took a couple of days and a lunch date with both Arin and Suzy, but the three of them agreed to make a go out of all dating each other. After that Arin was much more relaxed and welcoming of Dan when he was around. As a result, all the rest of the Grumps relaxed around Dan. It was incremental at first, but eventually even Brian let his guard down around Dan enough to stop hiding what he was doing every time he walked into a room.

One morning, Dan hauled himself out of Suzy and Arin's bed early to meet up with Agent Hawthorne for his monthly check-in. They had arranged to meet in the downtown branch of the public library just after it opened. Dan made his way to the library and, once there, took the elevator up to the fifth floor and made his way to the American history section. Agent Hawthorne was already waiting for him there, dressed as a slovenly grad student in too large sweats, her hair pulled up into a messy bun.

"Anything interesting to report?" she asked quietly over he shoulder, browsing the shelves.

"They're starting to trust me," Dan said. "They've let me in their headquarters and I'm pretty sure I've met all the captains. Nothing else new though." Dan tried not to examine the reason he didn't tell her about his new relationship with Suzy and Arin too closely. It just felt like too big of a betrayal, and it wasn't really relevant to the case they were building.

"Good, good," Agent Hawthorne pulled a book off the shelf, "now that you've got access to their main meeting area, we'd like you to plant some bugs around the place. The judge granted our warrant last week." She pulled a book out of her bag and offered it to him, "the bugs are in here."

Dan cracked the cover of the book, revealing a chunk of the pages in the middle were missing and nestled in the space they would have occupied were several small black listening devices. "Don't put yourself in danger, obviously," Agent Hawthorne said, "but plant them when you can."

Dan nodded, snapping the book closed, "roger that."

Agent Hawthorne nodded curtly, picked out a couple of books from the section in front of her and made her way out of the stacks. Dan stayed where he was for a long time after she left, trying to figure out why the idea of planting bugs in Headquarters gave him such a sinking feeling in his stomach.

He was broken out of his reverie by his phone buzzing in his pocket. He pulled it out and found a text from Suzy: _Sorry we missed you this morning. Games night tonight at HQ, you in?_

Dan swallowed around a lump in his throat and texted back: _Sounds fun, what time?_

The reply arrived a few moments later: _7:30. We'll do dinner then xx_

Dan slipped his phone back into his pocket and shoved the book into his backpack. He shouldered the bag and exited the library.

\- - - - - - - - - -

Dan showed up to Headquarters at 7:30 on the dot. He left the bugs at home for the day, the idea of planting them still left him feeling a little queasy. Plus, there probably wouldn't be an opportunity to plant them tonight when everyone was in Headquarters.

When he walked into the Grump's main room everyone was already inside. Most of the tables had been pushed aside to make room for a large circular table to be moved to the middle of the room. There were six large pizza boxes stacked on one of the tables which had been pushed off to the side, paper plates standing next to them.

"Dan!" Arin greeted when he caught sight of him. He walked over to Dan and gave him a peck on the lips, "perfect timing, Brian just got back with the pizzas."

"You sent Brian to get the pizzas?" Dan asked, "are you sure they aren't poisoned?"

"No," Suzy replied, also greeting Dan with a peck, "but we'll take our chances."

"We've written him out of all of our wills anyway," Ross joked, "so he'd have nothing to gain by killing us.

"There's plenty to gain by killing all of you," Brian deadpanned, "I wouldn't have to put up with any of you anymore for a start."

"Oh Brian," Arin said dramatically, glomping onto him, "you can't kill us, you'd miss us too much."

"Get off me!" Brian protested, his superior skill no match for Arin's size and enthusiasm.

Suzy took pity on Brian, "let him go, Arin. Come get some pizza."

Arin let go of Brian and all the Grumps converged on the pizza table, Brian muttering something about how next time he would poison the pizza in revenge. Dan joined them all, jostling for position at the table so that they could get the best pizza slices.

"You take pizza very seriously around here," Dan remarked after one of Ross' bony elbows accidentally caught him in the stomach.

"Pizza is very serious business," Suzy said. Finally everyone had plates piled high with their preferred slices and they all settled in at the round table to eat.

"So, what do we want to play?" Barry asked. "We don't have any board games here yet but we have several packs of cards."

"Poker?" Holly suggested, "cleaning you all out of pretzels is always fun."

"I actually don't know how to play poker," Dan admitted, "is it difficult to learn?"

"It's a little more complex than we want to get in to explaining right now, I think," Suzy said. "Arin and I will teach you later."

"Sounds good," Dan said.

"What about Slap-Jack?" Ross suggested.

"You just want an excuse to smack people really hard on the hand," Brian dismissed.

"True," Ross agreed, "but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be fun."

"It kind of does Babe," Holly said.

"Betrayed!" Ross cried out, "by my own wife! Oh how can I live with my heart broken so?"

Holly patted Ross' leg condescendingly, "you'll figure it out. We could play spoons?"

"Also too violent," Suzy said. "What about cheat?"

There was a general murmur of agreement from around the table. "Cheat sounds good," Dan agreed.

"Cheat it is," Barry said. He wiped his greasy hands on his jeans and pulled out a deck of cards. Barry shuffled them and dealt them out around the table until there were no cards left in the deck.

Everyone was finishing their pizza and beginning to set their plates aside, "no counting cards this time Brian," Arin warned.

"I didn't count cards last time!" Brian protested, "it's not my fault you're all really predictable."

"You can count cards?" Dan asked with interest.

Brian said, "no!" at the same time everyone else said "yes," in unison.

"Well now I'm just confused," Dan said.

Brian rolled his eyes, "these guys are confusing being good at math with being able to count cards. I have a PhD in theoretical physics," he explained.

"Wow," Dan was impressed, "no offense, but what are you doing here with an education like that?"

Brian shrugged, "it wasn't free. The army paid for it but I signed on for life. When I was dishonorably discharged I wasn't eligible for any of the benefits and my record wouldn't let me get a job anywhere. I hooked up with these guys when they ran across me selling my sills to loan sharks."

"Why were you dishonorably discharged?" Dan asked, "I mean, if you don't mind talking about it."

"I was running an op overseas. It's all very hush hush but essentially we ran across a group of child soldiers. None of us could bring ourselves to fight them so I made an executive decision to go around their camp. Unfortunately, the area we drove over turned out to be a mine field. Most of my men died, I was in hospital for months. When I finally recovered I was Court Martialed and I was kicked out for mental instability and manslaughter." Brian shrugged, "not many legit jobs going for people like me."

"I told you tragedy was our best recruiting tool," Arin said sadly.

"I'm almost afraid to ask about the three of you," Dan said.

"I took a celebratory trip to China with my family when I graduated university," Barry volunteered. "My dad got caught with 'western propaganda,' known outside of China as the Harry Potter series. He was sharing it with some kids who asked about it. He, my mother and my brother were all arrested. I had food poisoning so I escaped but as far as I know they're all still in Chinese prisons somewhere. I was already interested in computers but I became a hacker to try and find them. Maybe even help get them out. Jon caught me trying to hack the NSA, invited me to join, promised to help me get my family out. We're still working on it."

"Jesus," Dan said.

"Yeah," Barry smiled grimly, "that about sums it up." A tense silence descended over the group.

"Let's start playing," Arin said, "dealer's left goes first, right?"

"Yeah," Barry confirmed.

"That's me," Brian said, "we're starting with ace's?"

"Yep," Suzy replied, popping the p.

"One ace," Brian put a card face down in the center of the table.

"I didn't mean to bring up bad memories," Dan said, "I really didn't. I'm sure you've all been through a lot."

"Two two's," Ross said, "it's okay, we all know your tragic back story, you might as well get to find out ours. I came over here to study on a student visa and overstayed my welcome. I had a bit of a really large drug problem for a while, during which my parents disowned me. I'm mostly sober now, but they still don't talk to me. Holly and I met because I was trying to rob an ATM at a bank she was scoping out for a potential robbery. She managed to get me through withdrawal pains and then we had kind of a Bonnie and Clyde thing going on for a while. Then I learned I was really good at cooking drugs as well as taking them, so we started to rack up a steady income from that. I met Arin because he saved me from walking into a police sting operation. We hooked up with him and Suzy and we've all been together ever since."

"One three," Suzy said, "I remember that. Ross was still pretty messy when we met him. Holly was freaking out."

"Yeah," Ross agreed, "joining the Grumps definitely saved my life. Arin and Jon made me get clean before they would even consider working with me."

"Damn good thing they did," Holly said, "because I was not willing to give you up. One four."

"Two fives," Arin set his cards down in the middle of the circle.

"Cheat," Brian deadpanned.

"GOD DAMMNIT BRIAN!" Arin yelled, snatching the pile out of the center, "how do you always do that?" the rest of the table snickered at Arin's rage.

"One six," Dan said, starting a new pile, "what about you Holly? How did you get into robbing banks?"

"Honestly, I needed the money," Holly said, "I ran away from home when I was about fifteen, my parents were both really into prescription drugs, you know? I lived on the streets for a while, tried prostitution but I wasn't very good. Eventually I started dating this gang-banger who taught me a bunch about guns and how to shoot them. He got shot eventually but by that time I was really good with weapons. I figured robbing banks would be a good source of income and good practice for my new skills."

"Wow, and that's why you rescued and detoxed Ross? Your parents?" Dan asked.

"Pretty much," Holly nodded, "he was just so out of it, it really reminded me of my mom. I couldn't help her but I could help him. We fell in love somewhere in between him screaming bloody murder if I didn't give him more drugs and him helping me plan bank heists."

"Every girl's dream," Suzy agreed.

"What are we on?" Barry asked, "sevens?"

Dan had to sit back in stunned silence for a few moments. All of these people had been through so much and it had only made them stronger. No wonder they were all so fiercely protective of each other. If he'd experienced even half of the things they had Dan would probably have curled up in bed and never gotten out, and yet here they were, laughing and screaming at each other over a stupid card game.

"Dan?" Brian waved his hand in front of Dan's face to get his attention, "earth to Dan! Where did you go?"

"Sorry," Dan snapped back into the moment, "I was miles away, what's up?"

"We were just saying that now that you're one of us you're going to need a nickname," Brian said.

"A nickname?"

"Yeah, like the Ninja or Ego? Something we can call you so the cops don't find out your real name.

"Oh, right," Dan said, his guts twisting with guild, "wouldn't want that."

"Something to do with sex," Holly said, "you were a prostitute before you came here and you are banging our two fearless leaders."

"What about Sexbang?" Arin said, "'cuz he's having sex and banging people." Dan snorted.

"I like it," Suzy agreed, "it's the right combination of blunt and ridiculous, just like Dan."

"Hey!" Dan objected.

"Sexbang it is," Brian agreed.

"Don't I get a say in this?" Dan asked, "seeing as it's my nickname and all."

"Nope," Arin said, "you are officially Danny Sexbang forever more. No take backs." Dan groaned as Arin put down two cards with a flourish, "two queens."

"Cheat," Brian sounded bored.

"FUCK!" Arin swore, "fuckity fuck fuck fuck! I hate you so much!"

Barry leaned over to Dan amidst the laughter and whispered, "Arin always cheats, literally every time, it's not hard to work out."

Dan laughed along with everyone else as Arin ranted at Brian. These people had obviously been through a lot and it had left it's scars, but they'd found a family along the way. Dan pushed the knowledge that it was his job to break up this family as far down as it would go and concentrated on the game, joining his friends as they laughed and teased each other. For now they had accepted him as one of their own, and that was enough.


	13. Chapter 13

Several months after he had first met the Grumps, Dan finally managed to settle into a routine. What little time he wasn't spending with the group in their makeshift headquarters he was spending with either Arin, Suzy, or both of them. He never could bring himself to plant Agent Hawthorne's bugs, sticking them in an abandoned building instead and claiming that Headquarters had moved when asked.

Dan had even started doing more and more jobs for the Grumps, usually accompanied by one or more of the others because he was new and had no idea what he was doing. He had even been sent on a couple of simple courier jobs by himself.

"Dan!" Arin called as soon as Dan walked into Headquarters one morning, "come over here."

Dan made his way to the desk where Arin sat, leaning against the back of his chair so that the front two legs were in the air. "What's up?" Dan asked, leaning down to give Arin a peck on the lips in greeting.

"We've got a job," Arin said, "should be a milk run, it's probably nothing, but it might be good experience for you. Want in?"

"Sure," Dan agreed easily, "what's the job?"

"We've had some reports of threatening vandalism on the outskirts of our territory," Arin let the front two legs of his chair fall the the floor and used his momentum to lean forwards over a street map of the city that was laid out in front of him. "Along this border here," Arin traced his finger along a section of the red tape which marked out the Grumps' territory on the map. "Like I said, it's probably nothing. My guess is some kids think it's hilarious to try and antagonize the local gang."

"Is that a thing kids do?" Dan asked.

"Not often," Arin replied, "most of them have common sense. We have had a couple of incidents over the years though. Mostly it's vandalism or minor theft. Petty stuff."

"What will you do to them if it is kids?"

"Nothing, Jesus," Arin looked at Dan with a vaguely disgusted expression. "They're just kids. They don't know any better."

"If we're not going to stop whoever's doing it, why are we going?"

"To make sure that it is just kids," Arin explained patiently. "It wouldn't be good if it turned out to be a bigger threat and we find out about it too late because we thought we were too good to check it out ourselves. Plus, it's good to show the shop owners in our new territory that we care about their safety. So, we'll put in an appearance, show the little people we care, make sure there's no real threat, and be home in time for dinner."

"Sounds good," Dan said. "Is it just you and me?"

"And Brian."

"When do we leave?"

"As soon as Brian gets his stuff together!" Arin raised his voice for the last half of the sentence, turning around to glare at Brian who stood at a table across the room cleaning a gun.

"Don't rush me, Arin!" Brian shot back, "do you want our guns to malfunction in the heat of battle?"

"The heat of battle?" Holly said dryly, "tone it down a little, Marine. This isn't Fallujah."

"No it's worse," Brian shot back, "at least in Fallujah you can identify the enemy on sight. And anyway, it's the principle of the thing."

"Lighten up," Arin said.

"I'll lighten up when you all get more serious," Brian shot back. "Not everything is a joke."

"Most things are, though," Dan threw out.

Brian just glared at him from across the room. "I'm done anyway. Let's go." Brian slid the magazine into the gun he had been cleaning and tucked it into his belt. He grabbed two more off the table and stowed one on each ankle. Finally he pulled another two guns off the table and threw them to Arin and Dan.

Dan and Arin both scrambled to catch the guns in a panic. When they managed to safely catch them without incident Arin turned to Brian and yelled, "what the FUCK Dude! You don't just throw loaded guns around. Are you insane?"

Brian just grinned at him and tossed over a couple of magazines, "lighten up." Everyone except for Arin and Dan burst into laughter.

"You are such a little shit!" Arin yelled after Brian as he swaggered out of the room.

Now that his heart had stopped racing Dan looked down to find that the gun hadn't been loaded. "What the fuck," he muttered.

"I'm glad someone agrees with me," Arin said over the sound of the others laughter. "Come on," he clapped Dan on the back and moved to follow Brian.

Dan trailed behind them, loading his gun as he went and tucking it into his belt. Brian had already disappeared by the time Arin and Dan reached the elevator so the two of them rode down to the parking lot without him. When they arrived Brain was sitting in the driver's seat of a large black SUV, "hurry up!" he honked the horn at them.

"It's not our fault some lunatic decided to give us heart attacks," Arin shot back. "Dan, you've got shotgun."

"You're going to sit in the back?" Dan asked.

"Nope, I'm driving," Arin pulled open Brian's door, "you're riding in the back."

"I am not," Brian scoffed. "I was here first, you've got to be quicker if you want to drive."

"Excuse you, you're the one who’s been dragging your feet all morning. Plus, I'm your boss so you have to do what I say."

"You're only my boss because I let you be," Brian grumbled, but he relinquished the driver's seat nonetheless.

"Yeah dude, that's how all of being an employee works," Dan said as they all climbed into the car.

"I know that we're friends now," Brian said, "but I still don't like you enough not to shoot you when you're being annoying."

"Love you too, Buddy," Dan replied, startling himself with the ease at which the declaration slipped out. Brian made a vaguely disgusted noise.

Arin drove them through the city to where the vandalism had been happening, about fifteen minutes away from Headquarters. They parked outside of a small, local convenience store and got out.

Arin strode confidently into the store, Dan following and Brian bringing up the rear, scanning the environment for threats. The cashier looked up when he heard the bell ring. Dan could tell the moment he spotted them because he sat up straight and looked alarmed.

"Mr. Ego, Sir," the man stuttered out, "what are you doing here? Not that you aren't welcome, it's just we've already paid the protection fee for this month and we really can't afford..."

Arin silenced him with a raised hand, "we're not here for money, don't worry."

"Oh," the man sat back down hesitantly, "then, Sir, if I may ask, why are you here?"

"I've heard reports of threatening graffiti around here," Arin spread his arms wide, "we're here to investigate. Make sure you guys are safe."

"That's... considerate of you," the cashier said at length.

Arin smiled pleasantly, seemingly oblivious to the cashier's nerves. "Could you point us in the right direction?"

"Of course," the cashier scrambled around the counter, practically tripping over himself in his haste to get them out of the store. Dan and Brian took a step backwards to allow him to pass by them unhindered and Arin followed him to the door. "That alley there has the worst of it that I've seen," the man pointed to an alley about a block away from the store. "But there have been bits and pieces on most of the stores in the area."

Arin nodded, "thank you very much for your help. Come along, boys," he strode out of the store, Dan and Brian on his heels.

"Did you just call us 'boys?'" Brian asked, "because I am significantly older than you."

"Would you prefer I call you 'Daddy?'" Arin replied, "because those are your only options."

"Works for me, baby boy," Brian said.

Arin smacked him on the arm and the cashier, who was still watching from the doorway of his shop, made a terrified squeak. Arin, Brian, and Dan all spun around to look at him Arin and Brian trying not to burst into laughter. The man quickly scurried back into the store.

"Way to intimidate the locals," Arin said to Brian.

"Me?" Brian gasped dramatically.

"I think you've both scared the poor man enough for one day," Dan cut off Arin's reply. "Let's go look at this graffiti."

"Wow, Danny Sexbang, being the responsible one," Brian snarked, "who would have guessed?"

"It's a hard job, but someone has to do it," Dan told him, seriously.

The three of them finally reached the alley that the cashier had indicated and turned down one of the sides. Phrases written in brightly coloured spray paint covered almost every available inch of wall.

The phrases were all threatening, but almost ludicrous in their content. Some of the ones that stood out immediately to Dan read:

Cry as I murder your stinking spine with lots of fishhooks!

Cry as I murder your wretched skull with a fridge!

Watch as I pummel your twisted kidney with pain!

Don't make me pummel your wretched face with the force of my Will alone!

I will vaporize you're vascular organ!

May all of your decedents have freakishly large noses!

"Wow, these are... not as sinister as I was expecting," Dan commented. Arin and Brian were both silent behind him. He turned around to face them, "what?"

"It's definitely not kids," Arin said. Brian's hand was already resting on his gun.

"What do you mean it's definitely not kids?" Dan was beyond confused, "have you read these threats? They're ridiculous!"

"Exactly," Arin replied, "kids would have made the threats as authentic sounding as possible to get as much of a reaction as they could. And they definitely wouldn't have coated the walls in them. This has Skeleton Gorillas written all over it."

"It does?" Dan asked, his pulse involuntarily ratcheting up at the mention of the Skeleton Gorillas.

Arin nodded, "they always try and make their threats as ridiculous as possible so that no one will take them seriously and then they swoop in and crush anyone who doubts them swiftly and brutally."

"Very astute, Mr. Ego," a new voice came from the mouth of the alley, thick with a Slavic accent. The three Grumps whipped around to see a tall, broad shouldered man blocking the exit. Behind him stood several other men, all curling their lips in disgust.

"Mr. Yaroslava sends his regards," another man spoke from the other end of the alley, "he would have been here himself, but he is a busy man." Dan, Arin, and Brian were surrounded. There were at least eight other men in the alley with them and Dan could see another two peeking around the corners of the walls.

Brian and Arin quickly moved so that their backs were to one another, each facing a side of the alley. Arin grabbed Dan by the arm and pulled him in so that the three of them were standing back to back in a triangle. "Looks like we're going to have to shoot our way out of this one," Brian said with false cheer, "I told you all that gun cleaning wasn't a waste of time."

"Say I told you so when we're not about to get murdered," Arin snapped. "You ready for this Dan?"

"No!" Dan exclaimed, feeling massively out of his depth.

"That's too bad," Brian remarked.

"If the three of you are Done," one of the thugs interrupted, all of them advancing slowly, "we're going to be paid quite a lot of money when we bring back your heads on sticks."

"Don't be so sure," Brian growled. Then to Dan and Arin he said, "if we don't make it I'll see you both in Hell."

With that Brian pulled out the gun from his waistband and started shooting. Arin mirrored him on Dan's other side. Dan, not knowing what else to do or how to get out of this situation without a casualty or ten, pulled his gun out too.

In moments the alley was filled with the sound of gunfire, the smell of gunsmoke, and the dull thud of bodies hitting the ground. Dan's entire body was screaming at him to run, the adrenaline pumping through his veins trying desperately to force him to save himself, but there was nowhere for him to run. They were surrounded on all sides, gunfire coming from every direction.

Distantly Dan felt pain bloom in his shoulder as he reached for one of the magazines in his pocket to reload his gun. He heard a pained cry and it took him much longer than it should have to realize that it came from him.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw one of the thugs take direct aim for Arin's head. Without even thinking about it Dan twisted his body around and leveled his gun at the thug, firing a bullet directly between his eyes. The life left the man's eyes in an instant and he crumpled to the ground, blood running out of the hole in his head.

Then, just as quickly as it had started, it was over. The alley was littered with corpses, blood running from their lifeless bodies and filling in the cracks in the sidewalk, overflowing onto the stone wherever it was thick enough.

Dan was breathing hard, whipping his head around wildly, looking for any other threats. Arin grabbed his gun arm and lowered it carefully, "it's over, Dan. They're all ether dead or they ran away."

"It's over?" Dan asked, unable to process that fact.

"It's over," Arin confirmed. "Brian and I are here. We're alive, and so are you."

"Fuck," Dan swore, doubling over, "I'm going to be sick."

"First time you've ever killed anyone?" Arin asked gently. Dan just nodded in response.

"I'm sorry to do this," Brian said, his voice softer than Dan had ever heard it, "but we need to leave. A couple of those guys ran away and they are undoubtedly coming back with reinforcements."

"Brian's right," Arin said, equally softly. "We can't stay here. Can you walk?"

"I think so," Dan nodded, squeezing his eyes shut, trying to block out the gore around him.

"Here, lean on me," Arin, looped an arm under Dan's and pulled him to his feet. Dan cried out in pain. "Shit!" Arin swore, "you got shot!

"Crap!" Brian swore. He shrugged off his jacket and pulled out a knife from God knows where. He used the knife to cut the sleeves off the jacket and then cut the sleeves in half so that he had two large strips of fabric.

"This is going to hurt, Dan," Brian warned. Arin, seemingly understanding what Brian was doing moved to stand behind Dan so that he was supporting his weight. He then raised Dan's arm so that Brian could access the bullet wound in his shoulder which was slowly oozing blood. With practiced ease Brian tightly wrapped each of the strips of cloth around Dan's shoulder, trapping the blood. He then handed Dan the rest of his jacket and said, "use this to apply pressure to the wound. We'll get it checked out later, but it doesn't look too bad."

Dan nodded his thanks, unable to speak. Brian seemed to understand anyway. Arin looked his arm under Dan's uninjured one and helped him pick his way over the corpses. Brian went ahead of them to get the car started and move it closer so that Dan wouldn't have to walk as far.

When they were out of the alley and a little ways up the street Brian pulled up next to them and Arin helped Dan climb into the backseat of the car, following right behind. Neither of them had had a chance to so much as do up their seat-belts when they heard gunshots from the end of the street and bullets started pinging off the back of the car.

All three of them instinctively ducked their heads and Brian swore loudly, "told you they were going to get reinforcements!"

"GO! GO! GO!" Arin yelled as the shooters got closer to the car.

Brian obliged, slamming his foot down on the gas pedal and careening down the street. Dan howled in pain as the movement of the car jostled his shoulder. "Sorry," Brian threw over his shoulder.

Arin leant over Dan and buckled him in, "safety first," he joked, pulling on his own seat-belt. Dan tried to laugh but what came out was only a pained groan.

"First time being shot too, I take it?" Arin asked. Dan nodded. "The shock is probably wearing off, that's why it hurts so much," Arin advised. "You're going to be alright, Darling, we'll take care of you. I promise."

"Not to interfere in your love life," Brian interrupted, "but I need you both to be quiet. I've got to concentrate on losing these guys."

Dan looked out of the back window of the car and, sure enough, two or three cars were swerving in and out of traffic, trying to keep up with them.

"Sure thing," Dan gasped out.

Arin silently leaned over Dan and took over holding the jacket in place. Dan, for his part, could do nothing but cling on to Arin and hope that Brian lost their pursuers soon as they flew through the streets of New York.


	14. Chapter 14

"Pack up! We're leaving!" Arin yelled as he, Dan, and Brian burst into headquarters. "Ross, I hope to God you've got some saline solution kicking around somewhere!"

"What happened?" Suzy demanded, taking in the blood that was splattered all over the three of them, the crude bandages wrapped around Dan's shoulder, and the way he hung off Arin. "Dan! Are you alright?"

"The graffiti wasn't done by kids," Arin explained, leading Dan over to an empty table and helping him up onto it. "It was the Skeleton Gorillas. A bunch of thugs were waiting for us to show up. They said that 'Mr. Yaroslava sends his regards.'"

"Shit," Holly swore.

"We managed to shoot our way out but Dan got hit in the crossfire. We're pretty sure we lost the tail they tried to put on us but I'm not willing to risk sticking around here to find out," Arin continued.

"Ross where's that saline!" Holly yelled.

"Holly's going to take good care of you," Arin promised, "she's our resident medical expert."

"That does not fill me with confidence," Dan gasped out. "No offence, Holly."

"None taken," Holly replied, "really I'm just the best at stitching people up."

"Which is all you need," Brian chipped in, "the wound is a basic through-and-through and we'd know by now if it had hit something vital."

"Good to know," Dan ground out.

"Found the saline!" Ross yelled from across the room "And I've got some heroin here too."

Ross jogged over with a bag of saline solution and a beaker full of clear liquid. Barry brought over some needles, a first aid kit, and a long piece of rubber piping. "What are you doing?" Dan demanded.

"Don't worry Dan," Holly said, "we won't do anything without your permission. Ross is just trying to be prepared." She shot her husband a look. "The saline solution is to help you get over the shock. The heroin’s just for the pain.

"I'm going to unwrap your shoulder and take your shirt off, alright?" Holly asked.

"Yeah," Dan nodded, "I am feeling a bit claustrophobic, though."

"Okay, give us some space, please, everyone," Holly said to the rest of the Grumps, who had been pushing gradually closer and closer to Dan since he had sat down.

"Sorry, sorry," Arin said, "we need to pack up Headquarters, anyway."

There was some general grumbling but everyone dispersed around the room to pack up their gear. "Alright," Holly said once they were gone, "I'm going to start a saline IV, ok?" Dan nodded.

"Suzy!" Holly called, "come hold this IV bag up. And bring that ruler over while you're at it."

Suzy grabbed a wooden ruler on her way back over to the table and set it down next to Dan. Holly unwrapped the makeshift bandages from Dan's shoulder and cut the shirt off of him with a knife. She carefully peeled it off of his shoulder where the blood had stuck the fabric to Dan's skin.

Suzy plugged the rubber tube into the bag of saline and affixed one of the larger needles to the other end of the tube. She handed the needle end to Holly and held the bag of saline above Dan's arm. "This will probably hurt a bit," Holly warned as she found a vein in Dan's arm and carefully inserted the makeshift IV into one of them. The pain of the IV going in was barely a blip on Dan's radar compared to the fire in his shoulder.

Holly opened up the first aid kit and pulled out a pair of latex gloves. "I'm going to explore the wound now with my fingers," she told Dan. "Make sure Brian's right about the bullet not hitting anything vital. Do you want some heroin for the pain or no?"

"No," Dan said, "let's try it without the heroin. I'll let you know if it changes."

"Alright," Holly said. "In that case, bite down on this ruler."

"Seriously?" Dan asked.

"So you don't bite off your own tongue or break your teeth," Holly said, completely serious.

Dan bit down on the ruler. Holly carefully touched his shoulder, probing her fingers as gently as possible into the hole in his shoulder. It hurt like nothing Dan had ever experienced before. Dan yelled, teeth clamped tightly around the ruler as Holly pushed her finger all the way through his shoulder, wiggling it slightly at different points until the tip was sticking out of Dan's back.

"Alright," Holly said, withdrawing her finger, "good news, it's definitely a through-and-through. I can't feel any passages where fragments might have broken off the bullet. It also seems to have missed any major blood vessels and any bone. You're incredibly lucky. I'm going to sew up the skin on the outside of the wound and the inside should heal on its own. We'll just need to make sure it stays clean so that it doesn't get infected."

Dan nodded, his mouth still full of ruler. "Do you want heroin now?" Holly asked. Dan nodded again, unable and unwilling to deal with much more of the shooting pain emanating from his shoulder. "Alright," She agreed easily. She grabbed a disposable needle and filled it with heroin from the beaker Ross had brought over. "This should be enough to take the edge off," Holly found a vein on Dan and carefully injected the syringe into his bloodstream. She then set the syringe aside to throw out. Dan began to feel the effects almost immediately.

"We'll leave the ruler for now, yeah?" Holly said. Dan nodded his agreement. "Alright, I'm going to flush the wound out and then sew up both sides. Front first, then back. Sound good?"

Holly waited for Dan's nod before getting to work. She pulled out a squeezy bottle of clean water and used it to clean out Dan's wound. The bleeding had slowed to a sluggish pace, so once the wound was clean, Holly could see clearly what she needed to do. Efficiently but carefully, Holly sewed Dan's skin together and covered the freshly mended holes with clean gauze.

"There you go," Holly said, gently easing the ruler out of Dan's mouth. "How are you feeling?"

"Not great," Dan replied.

"Probably to be expected," Suzy said.

"Yeah, I only gave you enough heroin to take the edge off the pain, not to make you too loopy," Holly agreed. "Feeling crappy is acceptable after you've been shot."

"You should be okay now," Holly said, easing the now drained IV out of Dan's arm. "Just lie down for a little bit. Rest."

"Okay," Dan agreed easily, laying back on the desk so that he was flat on his back and his legs hung off the side.

Holly and Suzy shared an amused look over Dan's head, "you might be a little loopy," Holly allowed.

"We're going to go help the others pack up," Suzy told Dan. "Are you going to be alright on your own here?"

"Yeah," Dan replied.

Suzy nodded and she and Holly headed off. Dan closed his eyes and let himself drift on the mix of residual adrenaline and heroin flowing through his bloodstream. He didn't know how long he had been lying there when there was a great commotion from the direction of the door.

Dan lazily opened his eyes and turned his head towards the door, expecting to see that someone had dropped some large piece of equipment. What he found instead was a horde of people, armed to the teeth, storming into the room.

From behind him Dan could hear his friends shouting, "what the fuck!"

"They're Gorillas!"

"They must have followed us!"

"Fuck!"

"No! Grab a long range weapon!"

"What about Dan?"

Dan's tired mind processed all of this much slower than he would have liked. The fact that they were under attack only truly processed when the bullets started flying. His fight or flight instincts, which had never truly settled from their earlier encounter, went into overdrive. Dan rolled off the table and scrambled to flip the desk over in front of him to provide cover.

"Dan!" Holly's voice shouted from behind him once Dan was safely hidden. Dan turned around in time to see an AK-47 come skittering across the floor towards him. Dan grabbed it off the ground, shooting Holly a grateful look.

It took him a moment to locate all the vital parts of the gun but he quickly managed to figure out that it was in fact loaded and ready to go. The bullets were already flying over Dan's head, both sides doing their best to eliminate the other. The Skeleton Gorillas had the advantage of surprise but that quickly faded, the Grumps ability to duck and cover behind upturned desks and better supply of weapons quickly turning the tide in their favour.

Dan was popping and down around the desk, firing the rifle like he'd been doing it his entire life. He was doing his absolute best to ignore both the shooting pain the recoil of the gun sent through his shoulder every time he fired it and the moral implications of his actions, neither of which he had time to indulge at that exact moment.

Eventually the gunfire trailed off and Dan poked his head up to see that where the floor had been. There was now a sea of dead bodies. "Is it over?" he asked, turning around to check that all of the Grumps were alright.

"I doubt it," Brian said, "that felt like the first wave. I'm sure they would have liked to send a bigger force but they have to take the elevator and that has something like a twenty person limit."

"Either way, we shouldn't stick around to find out," Arin said. "Everyone out of the fire escape. Go one at a time and make sure you stay near cover."

Dan was the farthest away from the fire escape, having been basically asleep in the middle of the room when the Gorillas arrived. Barry and Ross both managed to get safely outside of the window before the next wave of attackers hit. This time though, the Grumps were ready.

"Suzy Go!" Arin ordered, "we've got you covered!" Holly, Brian, Dan, and Arin laid down cover fire, deterring the newcomers from entering the room. The Skeleton Gorillas were stuck in the bottleneck the door created, making it easy for the Grumps to pick them off as they tried to come in. Suzy and Holly both made it out of the window unscathed, although Holly hadn't been happy that she was out before Dan. She had only left when Arin pointed out that the boys down below would need tactical support.

"Alright Dan, you're next!" Arin called.

"Are you sure?" Dan called, "I'm pretty far from the window. You guys could get out first."

"You're injured," Arin yelled back, "and you have no idea what you're doing. Get back here."

"Women and children first," Brian agreed.

"Fuck you, Brian," Dan said without any heat, relaxing a little at the familiar banter. Dan took a deep breath and peeked over the top of the table. Seeing that Arin and Brian were doing a pretty good job of keeping the Skeleton Gorillas at bay, Dan put his head down and made a break for the window.

Dan ran full tilt towards the window and he was almost there when Arin's yelling registered, "NO! NO! NO!" Dan twisted around instinctively, trying to see what had so upset his boyfriend. Dan barely had time to register the presence of several strangers at the door when he felt the same sharp, searing pain that he had felt earlier in his shoulder in his abdomen.

Dan fell to the ground with a cry, feeling another bullet ripping through his stomach as he went. "Shit!" Dan heard someone yell, although the rest of what they were saying was lost behind the ringing that arose in his ears. Dan's entire body went numb, his entire world narrowed to the pain in his stomach, and all he could think was 'this is it. This is how I die.'

Dan opened his eyes when he felt something jostle his stomach, sending new tendrils of pain shooting through his body. When had he closed his eyes? Dan felt more than saw Arin dragging him out of the window, Brian providing cover for them. In short order Dan was passed down the fire escape as carefully as possible, each movement sending new waves of pain through Dan's numb body.

When he reached the ground Dan could see the faces of the Grumps hovering over him worriedly. He tried to talk, to tell them not to worry about him, that he'd be fine, but when he opened his mouth he coughed, blood coming up from his throat.

"Dan? Dan!" Suzy was standing over him calling his name, "... awake. You have to stay awake! Don't you dare shut your eyes," she ordered.

Dan wanted to listen, he really did. Suzy looked so upset. He wanted to make it better, but he was so tired. It was cold, in the alley. Dan just wanted to go to sleep. Everything would be okay when he woke up and his eyelids were so heavy. Surely just five minutes couldn't hurt?

The last thing Dan saw before he gave in to the insistent tug of unconsciousness were the panicked faces of the Grumps and the edge of a car pulling up next to them. Just five minutes, he promised himself, five minutes and then he would be able to stay awake. "'M sorry," he managed to slur out before he descended into the darkness of oblivion.


	15. Chapter 15

Suzy was borderline hysterical. Arin wasn't doing much better. Dan had been shot. He was right in front of them, but they couldn't help him. They were both managing to keep it together because Dan's eyes were open and he could still see them, Suzy trying to keep him awake and Arin screaming at Ross to bring the car around.

Brian and Holly stood over the three of them, guns trained on the fire escape, ready to defend them from any attackers who managed to make it out of the window. Ross pulled up right next to them just as Dan let his eyes slip shut. Suzy let out a sob, screaming Dan's name trying desperately to get him to open them again.

Arin stood abruptly and ripped the back door of the car open, "help me get him in the car," he snapped at Barry.

"Suzy, apply pressure to the wounds. We've got to stop him from bleeding out," Holly said.

Suzy stifled another sob at the idea but did as she was told, pulling off her shirt and pressing it into the two oozing wounds in Dan's chest.

Arin hooked his arms under Dan's shoulders and Barry grabbed his ankles. "On my count," Arin said, "one, two, three." As soon as Arin finished counting he and Barry lifted Dan up, Suzy rising with them to maintain pressure. Arin climbed backwards into the car, Suzy and Brian following. They laid Dan out on the back seat, Suzy kneeling on the floor with her back against the chair.

"Brian! Holly! Get in here!" Arin yelled. Brian and Holly backed into the car, guns still trained on the window. Ross slammed his foot down on the gas the moment they were both safely inside.

Holly pulled the door shut once they reached the end of the alley then turned her attention to Dan. "He needs a doctor," she said to Arin, "a real doctor. There's no way he survives without surgery."

"So we're going to the nearest hospital?" Ross asked.

"We can't just leave him outside like we normally would," Holly said, "he's way too unstable and he could bleed out before anyone finds him. And it's not like any of us could carry him inside and avoid being questioned by the police."

"Alright, let's call that Plan B," Barry said, "what's Plan A?"

"We need a qualified surgeon who knows what they're doing, has the facility and resources to treat a critically injured person, and won't go to the police, have I got that right?" Brian asked.

"Yeah," Holly said glumly, "that about sums it up."

Brian turned to Arin, "am I crazy or does this sound like a job for Doctor Everhart?"

Arin was silent for a moment, "you're not crazy," he allowed, "but that would be beyond pricey."

"Doctor Everhart is that black market organ dealer, Right?" Ross asked.

"Yeah," Arin confirmed, "top of her class at John's Hopkins, amazing surgeon. She lost her license because she tried a risky thing to save a patient's life. It worked but he was paralyzed, sued her for everything, including her license and won."

"I say we do it," Ross said, "we'll pay whatever. Dan's one of us now, he's more than proven himself. We can't just hang him out to dry."

"I'm with Ross," Barry said.

"Me too," Holly chipped in.

"I wouldn't have suggested it if I didn't think it was a good idea," Brian added.

"Suz?" Arin asked, "what do you think?"

"Let's do it," she replied without hesitation.

"Alright," Arin said, "Ross, we're going to an abandoned loft in SoHo, Brian you know where it is give him directions. Barry, call in some favours, get access to whatever cash you can. Suzy, keep pressure on Dan's wounds. Holly, help her. I'll call Dr. Everhart, she'll be waiting for us."

Everyone snapped into action. Brian climbed over the median and into the passenger seat, directing Ross. Barry and Arin climbed into the third row of seats in the car, clearing room for Suzy and Holly to get Dan comfortable and maintain pressure.

Barry pulled out his laptop and began to look through their bank accounts while Arin pulled out his phone and dialed Dr. Everhart. She picked up on the second ring.

"Mr. Ego, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Dr. Everhart, I've got a bit of an emergency. A friend of mine needs surgery as soon as possible. We can't take him to a hospital, and you came to mind."

"What kind of surgery?"

"I'm not really sure? He's been shot at least twice in the stomach. He's been unconscious since it happened."

"When was that?"

"About ten minutes ago?"

"Sure, I'll do the procedure. It'll cost you though."

"How much?"

"Two million, plus the cost of whatever organs he needs replacing."

"Done," Arin pulled the phone away from his ear and said, "two million, plus organs" to Barry.

"That was easy."

"Well, I'm hoping you'll wave your 'half up front' policy. You know we're good for it but we weren't expecting this to happen. We can get you half while you're working on him but we don't have time to get it now."

"I don't know, I don't want to set that kind of precedent."

"You can hold a couple of us hostage until you get your money if you really need the insurance."

"Fine, I'll wave the policy, but only this once. And don't go spreading around that I did it. What's his blood type?"

"I... I don't actually know." Arin put his hand over the phone and asked the car at large, "does anyone know Dan's blood type?" A chorus of no's came from everyone in the car. "We have no idea," he said back into the phone.

"Alright, I'll get the testing kit ready. You know where you're going?"

"Yeah, we're about fifteen minutes out. We're trying to make that shorter though."

"I'll be ready." The line went dead.

"Step on it Ross," Arin said, "she's waiting for us. Barry, how are our financials looking?"

"Fine." Barry said, "we can do two million without too much trouble. If she wants cash it'll take a few days to get enough money without raising suspicions, but we can do it."

"Good," Arin nodded, "how's Dan?"

"Not great," Holly said dryly. "The sooner we get there the better."

"I'm going as fast as I can," Ross grit out.

"We know, Ross," Holly soothed, "that wasn't directed at you. I'm just worried about Dan."

"I think we all are," Barry cut off Ross' tense response. "But fighting amongst ourselves isn't solving anything."

The rest of the drive was conducted in a tense silence. Ross managed to get them to the warehouse Dr. Everhart worked out of in under ten minutes, breaking just about every traffic law there was. When they reached the building there was a garage door open and a man waiting outside of it. Ross pulled up next to him and he directed them through the open door and into a space next to the back wall of the warehouse.

"This is an empty warehouse," Barry remarked, "I thought we were going to a place where Dan could get surgery?"

"We are in a place where Dan can get surgery," Brian replied, "look." A concealed door in the wall opened up and a stout, heavy set woman stepped out and strode up to their car.

"Open the door, Holly," Arin said, "Barry, let's climb out the back." A few moments of awkward shuffling ensued but everyone got out of the car in record time. "Dr. Everhart!" Arin greeted, "thank you for doing this on such short notice."

"Yes, yes," Dr. Everhart flapped her hand and two men came out of the hidden room with a gurney, "get him out of that car and into my room, now!" The men climbed into the car and lifted Dan out as carefully as possible, Suzy still keeping pressure on the wound. They deposited him onto the gurney and asked Suzy to step back, one of the men replacing her. They then wheeled Dan into the room and out of sight.

"We will take good care of him," Dr. Everhart promised them, "I cannot promise that he will live, but I will do everything I can for him. You may wait out here." With that she swept into the room and slammed the door shut.

Silence reigned in her wake and for several minutes nobody so much as moved. Finally, Suzy let out a sob. That opened the floodgates, the adrenaline everyone had been running on since the Skeleton Gorillas had broken down their door disappearing in a rush. Arin walked over to Suzy and wrapped his arms around her, his eyes welling up as he finally let the reality of the situation crash over him.

"Let's all sit down," Barry said softly, "I've got a feeling we're going to be here for a while."

Arin nodded silently and they all sat down on the ground, leaning against the wall. No one talked for what felt like hours, all of them straining to hear what was going on inside the room.

"We can't let this happen again," Brian said into the silence. "Jon and now Dan? They deserved better than this."

"You're right," Suzy said, "nothing like this can ever happen again."

"We need to end this war, once and for all," Holly agreed.

"Alright," Arin said, pulling his mind away from Dan, "let's make a plan."


	16. Chapter 16

Six hours after the Grumps arrived with Dan, Dr. Everhart emerged from the concealed operating theatre. All six of them scrambled to their feet, eager for news about Dan's condition.

"He made it through surgery," Dr, Everhart said. "He's not out of the woods yet, but if he survives the next twenty-four hours he'll probably pull through."

The entire group heaved a huge sigh of relief, "thank you so much, Dr. Everhart," Arin said. "How much is it, total?"

"We used about six thousand dollars worth of blood on him and no new organs. We'll transfer him over to one of the recovery centers for our clients and you'll be able to visit him there. That stay will probably run you about fifty thousand dollars." Dr. Everhart replied.

"So two million fifty six thousand?" Arin confirmed.

Dr. Everhart nodded her head, "you can wire transfer the money to me, I'll give you the account details."

"Razzadoop will take care of that," Arin gestured to Barry, "and Mortem3r will accompany Dan to the recovery facility. The rest of us have something we've got to take care of but we'll join the three of them at the recovery facility as soon as possible."

Dr. Everhart inclined her head, "I'll show the two of you where to go. Pleasure doing business with you." She led Suzy and Barry away.

Ross, Brian, Arin, and Holly got into the car and drove out of the warehouse. They rode in silence, exhausted by the events of the day and all the worrying the last few hours had entailed. Arin drove the four of them to a nearby safe house so that they could rest up before their planned attack on the Skeleton Gorillas the next day.

Everyone fell into bed as soon as they got to the safe house and, despite their concern, sleep overtook them quickly. Arin awoke with a start late the next morning, sunlight streaming in through the windows. He groaned, scrubbing a hand over his face in the hopes it would remove the horrible taste of unbrushed teeth in the morning. It didn't.

Arin heaved himself up and off the bed. He grabbed his phone off the side table where he'd placed it the night before. Suzy had been texting him throughout the night, updating him on Dan's condition.

"Arin? Are you up yet?" Ross' voice floated through the house.

"Yeah," Arin replied, heading towards the source of the voice.

"How's Dan?" Holly asked when Arin reached the kitchen.

"Suzy says he's still stable," Arin replied.

"I sent Ross out for breakfast earlier," Holly said, "grab a sandwich and come see where we are."

Arin swiped one of the breakfast sandwiches laying on the counter and wandered over to the kitchen table where Holly and Brian sat building explosives. Ross had set himself up at the counter, mixing chemicals into glass bottles.

"Tell me," Arin said, taking a bite out of his sandwich.

"We've got a few hours until we can go and set up," Brian said. "We know where their base is and that they're going to have a celebration tonight because they chased us out of our Headquarters, plus they'll think that Dan's dead. There are five main points of entry to the building and two emergency exits. No windows. We need to cut off the exits and then we can blow up the building. We've got enough C-4 here to hit every major structural weakness in the building, so we'll definitely bring it down."

"How are we cutting off the exits?" Arin asked.

"We don't really have a solid plan for that," Brian admitted, "barricading them is our best idea at the moment."

"How would we barricade them?"

"We can blockade three of them by parking large cars close to them. They open outwards so it's just a case of putting something in the way that's heavy enough that a person can't shift it with a door. Barry's going to come and re-wire the emergency response system so that the emergency exits automatically lock whenever the alarms are triggered. That just leaves the main entrance and one of the side doors. We have to leave the main entrance unblocked so that everyone can enter the building. The side door we're not really sure about. We could chain it shut from the inside I suppose, but that might be a bit obvious," Brian replied.

"Can we cover it from the outside?" Arin asked, "affix some rebar across the door at various points, then it'll be impossible to open. That's actually probably a better plan than the cars for all the doors."

Brian nodded thoughtfully, "problem is people are going to be inside as we do the work. We can get some of our guys to do it, but not without it being suspicious."

"So we need a distraction?" Arin asked.

"Yep," Brian confirmed, "that's what Ross is doing. He's making what are essentially flash-bangs, we'll get people to break them around the Skeleton Gorilla's territory in staggered bursts. We're going to throw in a couple of small explosives as well, just to keep people on their toes."

"I'll start organizing the troops," Arin said as he finished the sandwich. "Good work everyone. T-minus three hours until we move out."

"Sure thing, Boss," Holly said, "we'll be ready."

"Good," Arin stood up from the table and walked out of the room to make the necessary arrangements.

\- - - - - - - - - -

Three and a half hours later the Grumps were on their way to the Skeleton Gorilla compound dressed as city maintenance workers. Ross's flash-bangs had been dispatched with various people who were trying to climb the organizational ladder and didn't ask questions. Each person had been given a time and location to set them off to maximize their distractive potential.

Barry had returned from spending the night with Dan and Suzy at the recovery facility and had spent his time reading up on the Skeleton Gorilla's alarm system. When the time came, all five of them loaded up the car with bombs, rebar, and drills and set off to the Skeleton Gorilla's headquarters.

They would have to act fast, before anyone got too suspicious of what they were doing. Ross pulled the car up behind the building that the Skeleton Gorilla's had set up their home base in. He parked the car in an alleyway behind the building, out of sight of any of the entrances but close enough that they could make a break for it easily. Ross left the keys in the ignition as everyone grabbed their gear out of the trunk and hurriedly walked towards the building.

The building's front was a night club, so getting inside was fairly easy. The back entrances weren't monitored during the day, so Brian and Holly slipped inside relatively unnoticed. Barry made a beeline to the electrical box which was affixed to the outside of the building. He pried it open and got to work. Arin and Ross walked as close to the front of the building as they dared, working as quickly as possible to attach five strips of rebar to the outside of the door. They then repeated that process with two of the other doors, working as quickly and quietly as possible.

Just as they reached the last door Brian and Holly came slinking out of it, Arin raised his eyebrow, asking if they got it done. Brian nodded sharply in response. He and Holly walked quickly back to the car. Arin and Ross got to work sealing that door shut as well. Barry finished his rewiring of the emergency exit system, closed the door to the box and beat a hasty retreat back to the car. Arin and Ross finished screwing the rebar into place and followed their friends.

Once back in the car, Brian, who had taken over the driver seat by virtue of being the first one back, pulled out of the alley and drove off onto the main street. "Mission accomplished?" Arin asked.

"Yep, emergency system rewired," Barry confirmed.

"Charges placed and armed," Holly said, "cell phone detonator in my hand. No one saw us."

"Rebar in place, all doors secured," Ross finished.

"Perfect," Arin said, checking his watch. "And just in time, too. The last of the flash-bangs will have just gone off. Let's go grab some food and get set up."

"Drive through?" Brian asked.

"Yeah," Arin said, "whatever's closest."

\- - - - - - - - - -

After they had all been fed and watered the Grumps set up shop in an empty apartment across the street from the main entrance of the club. The celebration would be starting late in the evening, so the Grumps settled in for a long wait.

No one spoke as they sat in the darkening apartment, watching the guests arrive. Barry sat by the window, checking off vital members of the Skeleton Gorillas as they arrived. Holly and Brian set up sniper rifles at either end of the apartment near open windows, so they could pick off anyone who managed to survive the initial blast and stumble out of the front doors.   
  
Arin stared out of the window at the revelers arriving to celebrate the presumptive death of his boyfriend. The Grumps had never meant to get any of them killed. It was supposed to be a lucrative business opportunity. They had tried their hardest to fly under everyone's radar at the beginning. To do only enough business to give them all cushy lives. Then, Jon. Arin had been angry after Jon died, their strategy of flying under the radar clearly hadn't worked, why not make a splash?

"Everyone's inside," Barry said, breaking the oppressive silence "we can blow it up when we're ready."

"On your signal, Boss," Holly said, holding up the cell phone.

Arin didn't say anything for a long moment. Could they really do this? Murder all these people? Did they really deserve this? Unbidden, Jon's ashen face swam to the front of Arin's mind. One of his best friends, lying dead in a pool of his own blood because of the people in that club. And Dan, the man who had showed all of them how to trust again, fighting for his life in a hospital somewhere because of those people. And they had the nerve to throw a party because of it.

Arin's resolve hardened, "do it."

Holly pushed the call button on the phone and there was a terrible moment where nothing happened, where Arin thought it hadn't worked. Then, a massive cloud of fire erupted from the club, the noise deafening. The Grumps watched in silence as the building crumbled in on itself, fire licking at the sides of it, the far off screaming of everyone who had survived the initial blast drifting up to their ears.

They watched as police cars and fire engines arrived on the scene. As they worked to put the fire out, yelling to try and find any survivors. Hours passed, the fire was put out and firemen started to go into the building to rescue anyone who survived. They all came out empty handed.

Arin should probably have felt some sort of dark satisfaction at the deaths of the people who had caused him so much pain, but he just felt empty. He didn't move as Holly and Brian packed up their guns, all four of the other Grumps getting ready to leave.

Arin was finally able to tear his eyes away from the scene in front of him when Brian clapped him on the back, "come on, Arin," he said softly. "Let's go see Dan."

Arin gave the rubble one last long look and pushed himself to his feet, following his friends out of the apartment and into the night.


	17. Chapter 17

"Wakey, wakey," Dan groaned, trying to move away from the insistent voice speaking in his ear. "Dan, Dan, Danny, Daniel," the voice sing-songed, "it's time to wake up Daniel."

Dan groaned and tried to turn over in the bed. He felt something tugging at his arm and blearily opened his eyes to see what it was. He was greeted with the harsh light and clinical brightness of what appeared to be a hospital room.

"You're awake!" suddenly six anxious faces came into Dan's field of vision.

"No I'm not," Dan replied, squeezing his eyes shut again.

"No, Dan, open your eyes again, please?" Arin wheedled, poking Dan in the arm.

Dan groaned in irritation, rolling his head towards Arin and blinking his eyes open again. This time, the white of the hospital room registered in Dan's brain. "Am I in a hospital?" Dan asked.

"Not exactly," Suzy replied, "what do you remember?"

"I remember going to check out the graffiti with Arin and Brian, we got attacked and I got shot in the shoulder. We went back to headquarters and Holly patched me up. She told me to lie down and I think I fell asleep... Wait, did we get attacked?" Dan tried to sit up in bed but was slowed by a shooting pain in his abdomen. Ignoring it as best he could Dan ran his eyes over his friends, checking them for injuries, "is everyone okay?"

"We're all fine," Arin told him gently, pushing him back down by his shoulder, "you, on the other hand, got hurt pretty badly. We've been worried."

"What happened to me?" Dan asked looking down at himself and taking in for the first time the white bandages wrapped around his torso and the IV's attached to his arms.

"You got shot," Arin replied, "twice. In the stomach. It was pretty bad. You had us all really worried. You're going to be okay though. Healing is going to take some time but we're all here for you and the doctor said there shouldn't be any lasting damage."

"What did Suzy mean, I'm not exactly at a hospital?"

"We couldn't take you to a conventional hospital for obvious reasons," Suzy explained. "Luckily, we're on good terms with Dr. Andrea Everhart, one of the best disgraced surgeons in the country. She has a black market organ operation not far from where our base used to be. She performed your surgery. This is one of her recovery facilities for her paying clients to stay in after their operations."

"You let a black market organ dealer do surgery on me?" Dan yelled.

"Relax," Brian drawled, "she didn't take any of your organs. We made sure of that."

"How?" Dan demanded.

"We paid her an obscene amount of money," Brian shot back.

"You... What?" Dan looked at the faces of the others, trying to find any indication that Brian was lying.

"It wasn't an obscene amount of money," Suzy shot Brian a look, "but it wasn't exactly cheap," she allowed.

"How much money was it, exactly?" Dan asked. Everyone exchanged looks, "tell me!"

"Two million fifty thousand dollars," Arin answered at length.

Dan choked on air, "you paid some woman over two million dollars for me?"

"Of course we did," Suzy replied immediately, "you're a part of the family. You deserve no less."

Dan was hit with an overpowering wave of guilt as he looked around at the faces of his friends. These people may be criminals, but they had taken him in when they thought he was alone and desperate. They had never judged him for any of the fake secrets he had shared but had instead confided their secrets in him.

Dan swallowed against the lump forming in his throat, "what happened to the people who attacked us?"

"We took care of them," Brian sneered, "the Skeleton Gorillas won't be darkening our doorstep ever again."

"What?" Dan asked, confused.

"It doesn't really matter," Arin said, "the important thing is that they're gone and you're going to be fine."

"We'll tell you about it when you're feeling better," Suzy added, cutting off Dan's next question. "You need your rest at the moment and we don't want to upset you."

"Okay," Dan said, his voice throat feeling raw.

"What's wrong Dan?" Arin asked, stroking Dan's hair off his forehead.

"I just... I'm not worth all of this," Dan replied.

"Of course you are," Arin said immediately. "Dan, even if you weren't family, which you definitely are by now, you'd still be worth all of this."

Dan's eyes began to well up against his will as all these people who had grown to love nodded their heads, eyes filled with nothing but concern and love. He had to tell them.

Dan took a deep breath, "there's something I need to tell you guys. And you're going to hate me for it, but I just can't lie to you anymore."

Everyone in the room looked really concerned, shooting each other looks to see if anyone knew what Dan could possibly be talking about. Suzy put a hand over Dan's, "Dan, Honey, whatever it is you can tell us. We could never hate you."

Dan squeezed Suzy's hand, "yes, you could. You will. But you guys are the closest thing to a family I've had in a long, long time. You don't deserve to be lied to."

"Dan, you're really starting to scare us," Arin said. "We love you, no matter what. Whatever it is it can't be as bad as you think it is."

Dan was crying openly now, heart clenching he whispered, "I'm in the FBI."

"We can't hear you?" Suzy said gently, "can you say that again, a little louder?"

Dan swallowed around the lump in his throat, "I'm in the FBI," he repeated, a little too loudly.

Arin blinked, "you're in the FBI?"

"Yes," Dan nodded his head, "my name isn't Daniel Cole, it's Daniel Avidan, and I'm an undercover FBI agent." Dan was on a roll now, the truth tumbling out of his mouth as fast as he could make it, "I was placed undercover two years ago to infiltrate and gather information on the leader of the Grump Gang and his Captains."

"You lied to us," Suzy withdrew her hand from Dan's, jumping off the bed and away from him like she had been burned, "you've been feeding the FBI information this entire time?"

Dan nodded, "I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you. I haven't told them everything, and I couldn't bring myself to plant bugs in Headquarters..."

"Because that makes it better?" Arin spat, his face a cold mask that Dan hadn't seen in months. "You lied to us, you... you betrayed us! After Catherine I thought we'd never be able to trust anyone new ever again. I thought... You're exactly like her."

Dan could feel his heart breaking with every word, "I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you..."

"Then what were we?" Suzy yelled, "I was in love with you! Was that something the FBI made you do too?"

"No," Dan's heart wrenched, "no. I love you too. You and Arin both. I just... I wasn't thinking..."

"You're damn right you weren't thinking," Brian said coldly. "What did you tell the feds about us?"

"Not much," Dam swallowed, "they know your first names, where your old headquarters was, that's it. I swear."

"For your sake, I hope you're not lying," Holly said. Ross walked around her and pushed one of the buttons on the machine hooked up to Dan's IV.

"What are you doing?" Dan asked. He tried to rip out the IV but his arms felt unbelievably heavy, like they were slowly filling with lead. Dan tried to move his legs with the same result. "Ross? What are you..." Dan trailed off as his tongue got too heavy to lift. He tried to speak again but he was suddenly so tired. His eyelids drooped. The last thing Dan saw before he drifted off into the darkness were the betrayed and guarded faces of the people he considered family.


	18. Chapter 18

Dan sat at his desk in the bullpen of the FBI's D.C. Field Office. It had been three months since he had seen or heard from any of the Grumps. After his admission Ross had knocked him out and the next thing Dan knew he had woken up in a genuine hospital room, alone.

It hadn't taken him long to call Agent Hawthorne and tell her that his cover had been blown. She sent a protective detail down to the hospital in case the Grumps decided to kill him after all. Dan had spent the next few weeks in the hospital and, as soon as he was cleared, took the train down to D.C. His apartment felt so empty and cold after spending so much time in Arin and Suzy's cozy home.

Dan's mandatory two month injury leave had passed agonizingly slowly. Dan couldn't bring himself to do much more than lay on the couch, eat shitty takeout and half watch TV shows he didn't care about on Netflix. His mind just kept turning over the last two years, analyzing every choice he had made, every conversation, everything he had done to hurt his friends.

Finally, Dan’s had doctors cleared him to go back to work. Dan stepped into the bullpen the first morning he was allowed, and was met with a round of applause. Practically everyone he had ever worked with dropped by to see how he was doing, and to try and find out the best stories from his time undercover. Dan didn't feel up to talking. By the end of the day he had mastered the polite dismissal.

Agent Gunner sent the Grumps case file to Dan so that he could review it and attach a report of his assignment. Dan balked when he read it. Had he really given the FBI this much information? There was enough evidence in the file to put every single one of the Grumps in prison for the rest of their lives, and maybe even put a few of them on death row.

When the Skeleton Gorillas had attacked the Bureau had been in the beginning stages of planning to raid the Grumps Headquarters. Dan shuddered to think of what might have happened to his friends if he hadn't confessed the truth.

By the time Dan reached the end of the file he was feeling queasy. He was about to slam it shut when an item he hadn't been aware of caught his attention. The incident was titled: 'Possible Bombing in Brooklyn - 07/24/2017.' That was the day after Dan had been injured, what could the Grumps have been blowing up?

Dan dug into the incident reports with morbid curiosity. A night club had been blown up in the heart of Brooklyn. The bombing had been so well planned that the entire building had collapsed in on itself, preventing anyone from escaping. Everyone inside was deceased. The coroner's report showed that most all of them had died from some combination of trauma from the initial blast and smoke inhalation. Most of the bodies were badly burnt, making identifying the victims difficult, but the few that they had managed to identify were prominent members of the Skeleton Gorillas, including their leader, Anatoli Yaroslava.

Dan sat back in his chair and squeezed his eyes shut, stomach roiling. The Grumps had blown up the Skeleton Gorillas for him. There was no doubt in his mind about that fact. He nearly died and not only had they saved his life, but they had completely destroyed the people who hurt him. They cared about him so much, and he had betrayed them.

Dan took a deep breath and came to a decision. His friends weren't going to prison because of him. He'd make sure of it. Decision made Dan quickly sat up in his chair and pulled up the FBI's main server. Dan was by no means a computer expert, and Barry could erase the information much faster and more effectively, but Dan did his best anyway. He removed the files from the central server the Bureau uses to store files and erased the majority of the content that had been added as a result of his investigation.

Dan quickly closed the window, resisting the urge to look over his shoulder as he did so. Now all that was left was to write his report and convince Agent Gunner that none of his intelligence was credible.

The report Dan penned hit most of the highlights of his time undercover, but the claims he made got gradually more and more outrageous as the report went on. He massively exaggerated the quantities of guns that he and Holly had sold, extolled the virtues of Ross' drugs, and turned Brian into a stoic, terrifying figure. He also added some blatantly untrue things, accounts of having been flown to Spain for the weekend to help Basque separatists and interactions with long dead celebrities. By the end of the report the claims were so outrageous and deviated so much from his on the job reports that Dan was satisfied he would get called to the carpet to explain himself.

Dan submitted the report just before he went home on a Friday, so as to give Agent Gunner a weekend to stew in questions. Sure enough, the moment Dan sat down at his desk Monday morning Agent Gunner showed up in the doorway of the bullpen and gruffly ordered Dan into his office.

Dan went, keeping his head down as he mentally prepared himself for what he was about to do. Agent Gunner slammed the door to his office closed behind them and dropped into his chair with more force than was strictly necessary. "Don't sit down," he said when Dan went to pull out one of the chairs. "Care to explain this?" Agent Gunner threw a copy of Dan's report down on his desk in front of him.

"It's my report, Sir," Dan said, intentionally playing dumb.

"I know that it's your report, Avidan," Agent Gunner growled. "I read it. It's complete nonsense."

"It's an accurate account of what happened," Dan said, "I can expand on some of the points if that would help?"

"No, that would not help," Agent Gunner replied, "this report doesn't line up with anything you reported in the field. And half of it is clearly fiction, what were you thinking, turning this in?"

"My reports from the field weren't completely accurate," Dan admitted hanging his head, "I left out a lot of the important stuff because the Grumps would have found out if I hadn't."

"What?" Agent Gunner thundered.

"I'm very sorry," Dan continued, "I know it's a breach of protocol, but they put listening devices everywhere. If I had told Agent Hawthorne the truth, they would have stopped my heart."

Agent Gunner squeezed his eyes shut, "they would have stopped your heart."

"Yes, Sir," Dan nodded earnestly, "with their minds. They're very powerful."

"That isn't funny, Avidan," Agent Gunner ground out.

"No, Sir," Dan agreed, "it was terrifying. I had to be careful what I thought because they would know. That's how they found out I work for the Bureau. They stole it from my mind."

Agent Gunner searched Dan's face for any hint of a lie, "dear God, you're serious," he muttered under his breath. "And the fact that the file has been mysteriously deleted from our servers?"

Dan reared back as if he had been slapped, his eyes darting wildly back and forth. "They've found me, they're going to kill us all. You can't let them in, Sir, they have ways of making you do what they want."

Agent Gunner dropped his head into his hands and sighed deeply, "you really are serious."

"Of course, Sir," Dan said, "why would I joke about something as dire as this?"

"Alright, Avidan," Agent Gunner sighed, leaning back in his chair, "you're suspended pending a psych eval. Go home, get some sleep."

"Sir if you send me home they'll come for me," Dan's voice edged into panic, "you've got to protect me."

Agent Gunner looked to the ceiling as if to pray for strength, "I'll assign a detail to watch your house. They'll be hidden, so don't try to look for them."

"Thank you, Sir," Dan said, "I'll go right now." Dan scrambled out of Agent Gunner's office and grabbed his things, hurrying out of the building. Only when he was in his car and halfway back to his apartment did Dan allow himself to smile with relief. It worked.


	19. Chapter 19

Much to everyone's surprise, Dan passed his psych eval. The Bureau's best and brightest could find nothing wrong with him psychologically despite his continued insistence that the members of the Grumps had the mysterious ability to manipulate time and space with their minds.

The therapist's best guess was that the Grumps had somehow manipulated Dan into believing that, through drugs or some other means. As a result, he wasn't dangerous and his future work at the Bureau should be unimpeded, but everything he had collected on the Grumps was untrustworthy and had to be scrapped. The Bureau was back to square one.

Agent Gunner was, of course, furious with this development. He took out his frustrations on Dan, assigning him the most menial, tedious administrative work possible. Dan was bored out of his mind, but he took comfort in the knowledge that the Grumps would go free.

Dan's days fell into a monotonous routine. He dragged himself out of bed at the crack of dawn, ate breakfast alone in his apartment, and drove in to work. When he arrived he walked through the halls of the field office with his head held high, pretending not to notice the stares or the whispers. Rumors had been flying while he was suspended. Some people said that he had never met any of the Grumps and was just trying to cover his ass. Others said the Grumps had plied him with so many mind altering drugs that he couldn't remember any of the two years he was away. The people who got the closest said that he was suffering some sort of Stockholm Syndrome, that he had fallen in love with one of the Grumps and had gone so far out of his mind with that love that he had imploded the investigation.

Dan kept his head down, pretended not to notice anyone else. He filled out warrant applications and flied other agents' paperwork. He had even been asked to get lunch for the office once or twice. That had been put a stop to relatively quickly because somebody suggested that the Grumps were paying Dan off and that he might poison their food.

No one at the Bureau trusted him anymore. Dan had lost even the friendly acquaintances he had had before he went undercover. It didn't matter, he thought bitterly, whenever Sam walked past his desk and sneered at him in disgust, these people had never been on his side in the first place. Not if they turned on him so easily. Not like the Grumps.

After almost a month of suspicious stares, snide comments, and abrupt silences upon his entry into a room Dan was exhausted. He packed up his bag, leaving the mind numbing paperwork he had been filling out in his desk. He walked silently out of the building and drove home alone, just like every other day. He parked his car on autopilot and headed up to his apartment, mentally cataloging the food in his fridge and weighing whether or not he could be bothered to go shopping.

Dan unlocked the door, pushed it open and dropped his bag on the ground, letting the door swing shut behind him. He automatically toed off his shoes before he heard a clattering coming from the kitchen. Dan pulled his gun out of its holster and crept through the apartment as quietly as he could. He reached the kitchen doorway and plastered himself to the wall outside. He took a deep breath and swung his body around the doorway, pointing the gun at the figure in his kitchen.

Dan froze when he saw who it was. There, in his kitchen, eating his leftover chinese food was, "Arin?"

"Hey Dan," Arin greeted, seemingly completely unfazed by the gun trained on his head, "long time."

Dan hastily holstered his gun, "what are you doing here?"

Arin sighed deeply, putting down his fork, "it's nice to see you too, Dan."

"Are you here to kill me?" Dan asked.

"Jesus, no," Arin made a face, "why would you think that?"

"I betrayed you?" Dan said hesitantly, "and lied to you for two years? The last time I saw you you were pretty ticked off about it."

Arin waved a hand, "yeah, and if we had wanted to kill you we'd have done it then."

"Then... what are you doing here?" Dan asked again.

"After we dropped you off at the hospital we skipped town," Arin explained, "as you probably guessed. It took us a few months to get established somewhere, but when we did Barry hacked the FBI to find out what they knew about us and to erase the file. Imagine our surprise when what we found instead was your report and a note about how all intelligence gathered from Agent Avidan's undercover assignment was to be disregarded because the agent is an unreliable source of information."

Dan shuffled uncomfortably, taking a seat next to Arin at the counter, "I couldn't let you guys go to prison. I never meant to hurt you like I did. I really am sorry I lied to you."

"So you pretended to be crazy?" Arin asked.

"Basically," Dan shrugged, "most of the info they had on you guys came from my investigation. I just made it seem like I was completely unreliable and boom, the whole case blew up."

"Why?" Arin asked.

"You guys are my family," Dan said, picking at his nails, "or the closest thing I've had in years, at least. I was this nobody with nothing and you took me in. Hell, you blew up a building for me. I couldn't just let you go to prison after that, especially not if it was my fault."

Arin was quiet for a long moment, "you really hurt us, you know?" Dan nodded miserably. "After Catherine... well none of us ever thought we could trust anyone ever again. But we trusted you. And you lied to us from the very start. That really hurt. I need you to understand that."

"I do," Dan nodded, "I never meant to get so close to all of you. I didn't know who Suzy was when we started dating. I swear I never would have gotten involved if I had. By the time I found out... I haven't had people who care about me unconditionally in a really long time. That much was true. I just... I couldn't give it up. I couldn't give you up. It was selfish."

Dan blinked back tears, waiting for Arin's reaction. "Come with me," Arin said.

"What?" Dan asked.

"Come with me, back to the other Grumps. The FBI's never going to trust you again and we really miss you. Run away, join us." Arin said.

"Seriously?" Dan said, unable to believe it, "aren't you afraid I'm going to betray you again?"

"You never really betrayed us in the first place," Arin said, "yes, you lied about who you were and your motives, but in the end you came through for us. You sabotaged your own career for us. I think we can get over the rest."

"Yes," Dan agreed instantly, "yes! Yes! Thank you so much." He threw his arms around Arin, before hesitating and pulling back, "what about the others?"

"They knew why I was coming here," Arin said, "and they fully support it. We know who you are."

"Can I kiss you?" Dan blurted out, a wave of euphoria sweeping through him.

"Yeah," Arin agreed easily.

Dan threaded his fingers through Arin's hair and crushed their mouths together, trying to convey his happiness and relief at being reunited with the Grumps. Arin kissed back just as eagerly, pulling Dan close by his bushy hair. They stayed wrapped up in each other for what felt like hours.

Finally Arin pushed Dan off, "pack a bag, we're leaving tonight." Dan nodded eagerly and stood up to do as he was bid. "Dan," Arin caught Dan's wrist, "you understand if you do this you're leaving Dan Avidan behind. You can never come back here or contact anyone from your old life again right?"

"I do," Dan said, "and there's nothing here for me now. I'd much rather be one of the Grumps."

Arin smiled, "as long as you're sure."

"I am," Dan assured him.

"Good," Arin swatted Dan on the ass, "now get a move on. We've got to get going. If you're lucky we might even get to join the mile high club," Arin waggled his eyebrows.

Dan laughed like he hadn't in months, "on it, Boss," he teased, hurrying off to pack a bag and leave Daniel Avidan behind for good.


	20. Epilogue

Dan awoke slowly, the sunlight streaming in through the windows pulling him from sleep. He stretched out in the warm bed, burying his head in Arin’s shoulder, unwilling to pull himself out of the cozy bed just yet. Suzy lay on Dan's other side, snuggled up against him with an arm thrown over his shoulder to hold Arin's hand.

After ten minutes of lying in the warm sun, snuggled between his two lovers, Dan finally gave up on getting any more sleep and opened his eyes, extracting himself from Arin and Suzy's grips as quietly and carefully as possible. Suzy made a noise of protest at losing her ability to cuddle him, but they both let him go, moving to close the gap he had left.

Dan smiled to himself as he got dressed. Leaving D.C. to join the Grumps was the best decision he had ever made. These days he always woke up warm and happy, wrapped up in his two favourite people.

Dan quietly slipped out of the large bedroom and padded down the hall towards the kitchen. The Grumps had relocated to a villa in Madagascar when Dan admitted that he was a fed. Dan had joined them there when Arin came to get him. It was hands down the nicest place Dan had ever lived. The mansion was secluded, on the edge of the rainforest, and overlooked the ocean. The backside was open plan so that the Grumps could make the most out of the beautiful views and get the pleasant sea breeze to cool them off on hot days.

The kitchen was a beautiful, state of the art construction, nestled in a corner of the main floor. Dan had taken up cooking since he'd been in Madagascar, a hobby his old life had never made time for. He set to work making pancakes and eggs for breakfast, chopping up some fresh fruit to go with them.

One by one the Grumps trickled into the kitchen, having been roused by the smell of breakfast cooking. Ross was the first one up, stumbling blearily into the kitchen and making a beeline for the coffee maker where Dan had just brewed a fresh pot. He poured himself a cup and stumbled back to the kitchen table to drink it. Ross really wasn't a morning person when given the choice. By comparison, Holly always came down to the kitchen completely conversational. This morning was no different.

Barry followed the couple, joining Ross at the table after pleasantly saying hello to Dan and Holly and picking up his own cup of coffee. Brian followed suit, doing much the same thing and falling into a quiet conversation with Barry at the breakfast table. Holly meandered over to join them and the three of them began to cajole Ross into talking, laughing at him when he groaned and dropped his head onto the table.

Dan smiled to himself. Arin and Suzy arrived in the kitchen last, each greeting Dan with a peck on the cheek. Arin swiped a pancake when Dan turned back to the eggs, smirking at Dan as he did so. Dan smacked him on the ass with his spatula in retaliation.

Arin and Suzy wandered over to the table, setting down their drinks and then moving to set the table. Suzy putting out food for their cats as they did so. Dan finished cooking breakfast and everyone helped ferry the heaping platters of food onto the table.

Dan took a seat at the table and watched all of his friends shoveling the food he had made for them onto their plates, thanking him and sniping at each other good naturedly as they did so. This was his family, and finally they were all happy, safe and together.


End file.
